For Crying Out Loud
by Anika Malfoy
Summary: In an effort to patch up Regulus and Sirius’s relationship, James invites Regulus to spend Christmas in Gryffindor tower. Discoveries are made, lives are on the line, relationships are formed, and a traitor begins to surface.
1. Invitation

A/N: This is a story written by me, RoS and Moony. RoS is posting it under the title of Come What May.

Disclaimer: I own nothing outside of my own perverted mind.

* * *

Regulus sighed as he wandered the nearly empty halls of Hogwarts. Once again, he was being forced to stay there by his family while they went gallivanting the world. Most students were home spending the holidays with their loved ones because it was a rare chance and they never did know when they'd get to see their loved ones again in these troubled times. Absently, he touched the sore spot on his left arm. Soon, he'd be the one hurting them. He didn't want to think about that, though. The thought made him ill.

"Whatcha doin'?" A voice called from somewhere behind him.

Regulus turned around to see James, Sirius, and Remus walking up to him. James was the one who spoke.

"Trying to think," Regulus shrugged, not wanting to argue right now. It was too close to Christmas to argue.

"Don't try too hard," Sirius laughed.

James smacked him in the stomach.

"It's nearly Christmas. Play nice children," Remus glared at his boyfriend.

Regulus chose to ignore them and continue his wandering. They were not, he knew, going to leave him alone. They never left him alone. He was Sirius's second favorite target, next to Snape of course, and any opportunity he had to take Regulus off guard was to big a one for him to pass up. "Leave me alone, dog breath," he shot at his seventeen-year-old brother, "I'm not in the mood."

James sighed. "Wait. Why don't we make a pact to call peace just through the holidays?"

Remus nodded and elbowed Sirius in the ribs.

Sirius took a breath and finally said, "Okay. Just through the holidays."

Regulus muttered something that sounded like fine, and stuck his hands in his pockets. James's unusual behavior, why slightly disconcerting, was not his biggest problem. His biggest problem was going to be keeping himself entertained throughout the holidays. Slytherin common room was, to put it mildly, devoid of life. The children of the Death Eaters had been called home to spend what could be their last holiday with their families, and those who weren't Death Eater children had gone home not to be alone. Regulus, it seemed, was the only one who had been ordered to stay put.

"Where's the last one of your group?" He asked, suddenly realizing that Peter was not present.

"Visiting his mother," Remus said, smiling slightly.

"He's a total momma's boy," James winked. "Where are your friends?"

Sirius put his hands in his pockets, unconsciously imitating his brother's stance. He didn't think that this truce was a good idea. Being friendly with Slytherins, even if they were your brothers, was always a bad idea.

Remus took hold of Sirius's hand, knowing instinctively that his boyfriend was uncomfortable with the casual talk.

"Home," was Regulus's response. He couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eye. Sirius would know, of course, how badly he wished he were home too. Sirius always knew too much about that. Sirius, in Regulus's opinion, knew too much about everything. He looked at James, and had to admit he was confused. Why was James being so nice to him? Normally, he was right with Sirius on making his life a living hell.

"That stinks. Anyone left to keep you company in Slytherin?" James smiled, trying desperately to make this truce work. He wasn't sure why he wanted it too so bad, but he knew that it would be important to the Slytherin to spend at least one peaceful Christmas with his brother. Sirius and Regulus spent too much time fighting, and it was time to end that. It was time to start growing up, before the war tore them apart forever. Maybe, if they mended things now, then the brother's relationship could be salvaged. Maybe Regulus wouldn't go down the road that it seemed so likely that he would follow.

"No," he answered before he could stop himself. He winced. Bugger it, now they're going to feel sorry for me. He scowled, trying to come up with a way to pass it off like it was no big deal without picking a fight. "It's kind of nice. I mean, no one to try and copy my homework."

Regulus smiled at the thought. It was true that he was renown throughout Slytherin for being very intelligent and that some of them did try and copy his work. He was, after all, one of Slughorn's favorite students and therefore next to godliness.

James smiled, "You're more like Sirius than either of you like to admit."

Remus coughed, a cough that sounded suspiciously like he was hiding laughter.

"We're nothing alike. Gryffindor, noble, loyal…Slytherin, selfish, stupid," Sirius growled, smacking James across the back of the head.

Remus glared, "No starting fights, Sirius. We have a pact."

"Nobel," Regulus said in an icy way, "seems to be a point of view. Leaving your family behind to rot doesn't seem very noble to me." He wished, as soon as he said that that he hadn't, but there was no escaping it now. He looked evenly at Sirius, blue gaze almost challenging him.

Sirius took step forward, not sure whether he was going to hit Regulus, or just grab him by the robes and scream in his face. Whatever he was going to do didn't matter, however, because both Remus and James grabbed him and pulled him back.

"We have a pact boys…it's nearly Christmas. Can't we just get along until after holiday?" Remus shook his head, disappointed in both boys.

"There were reasons behind what Sirius did," James whispered, looking into Regulus's eyes. "Maybe someday you'll be able to forgive him enough to ask what they were."

"Maybe," Regulus said, eyes flashing now, "Someday he'll realize that he HAD a family and didn't need YOU." Turning abruptly on his heel he started heading for the library. "I'm beyond done with this. See you around."

James closed his eyes for a second, wishing that he could control his temper better. Oh well…nothing for it but to try again. James let go of Sirius and ran after Regulus.

"I'm sorry," James, murmured when he finally caught up to the boy. "It isn't easy to just drop everything for a while. But I'd like to try. I…I know that you feel like I stole Sirius from you and your family, but…" James sighed, not sure how to put what he wanted to say into words. "I didn't mean…Sirius has always been like a brother to me. But I could never replace you to him. I never wanted to."

Unsure what else to say, Regulus ended up spitting out exactly what he was thinking. "I don't understand him. I tried everything to get him to stay, but I was never good enough. You were always better." The last sentence was said with such venom that Regulus was sure he was going to get hit for it.

"No, I wasn't," James shook his head. "We fought a lot, too. Just never around anyone else. We had to be there for each other, because we understood what the other felt. Sirius never felt like you weren't enough. He felt like you were so much more than he was. You were everything he was supposed to be. I think he resented you for that. Because you could be the son that your parents always wanted him to be."

Regulus ran his left hand through his hair. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter. They still love him better. Even now. Besides, there's nothing I can do to get my brother back. He's all yours. All Remus's. Not mine. Never was."

"Yes, he is yours. He wants to be your big brother so bad," James looked over at Regulus. "That's part of the reason he always torments you. That's what big brothers do. He just takes it too far, because he's hurting. He wants to be the brother you want him to be; he wants you to be his brother. But he doesn't believe that you'll ever forgive him. So he gets hurt and mad and tries to make you feel like he does."

"Well, he does a good job if that's what he's after," Regulus snapped back. Why was he telling this to James? He didn't know. Probably, he told himself, because he'd had enough of Sirius and the emotional games they played. Without Andromeda to talk to- Andromeda had always been his confidant in these matters- he'd bottled them inside. Now he felt like he was going to explode if he didn't let some of it out. "Just once…I want to spend time with him. Real time. No parents or relatives telling us to be better. No expectations. Like when we were kids, and would just spend hours sprawled on the roof looking at stars. I want that again, but it's hopeless."

James smiled sadly. They both wanted the same things, but neither was willing to try.

"Try. Spend Christmas with us. If you don't try for what you want, then you'll never get it."

"How?" Regulus asked, looking at James for the first time. "I mean, I'm a Slytherin, and you guys are way up in your tower." Regulus smiled to himself as the words evoked images from fairy tales long ago. "Besides, Sirius wouldn't like it. I'm 'selfish and stupid' remember?"

"Who cares?" James winked, "It'll be good for him, and he'll blame me if anything goes wrong. Me and my stupid ideas. Pete is home, so we have an extra bed in our dormitory. Why don't you stay with us there? Dumbledore will let you, he let's the Marauders get away with just about anything."

"Dumbledore wasn't the one I was worried about. I was worried about how McGonagall would take to the idea. But," Regulus hesitated for a second before nodding, "if you can convince them…I'll do it."

James smiled widely, "McGonagall is a piece of cake. I happen to know she fancies me."

Despite himself, despite everything, Regulus actually laughed at that. "Oh, really? I thought you were after that girl. What's her name…Evans? Well, Slughorn's favorite, anyway. The red head."

James shrugged, "What can I say…the girls love me, some guys too. And I do fancy Evans a bit, but she's not the only fish in the sea. Plus, she can't stand me."

James smiled, then reached over and messed up Regulus's hair. "You're not so bad, Kid. We shoulda' done this a while ago."

Regulus offered James a weak smile. "I'll talk to Professor Slughorn. He should be happy about it. He's always trying to get me to convince you and Sirius you want to be in the Slug Club. Seems to think you would do well there."

James made a disgusted face, "Yuck. I refuse to join a club that has absolutely nothing to do with Quidditch. It would ruin my reputation. I'll talk to McGonagall about it…what do you say that we surprise your brother and his boyfriend?" James wiggled his eyebrows at Regulus, hoping to make the boy laugh again. It was something of an accomplishment to make such a dignified boy laugh, especially without using any spells or pranks. Just to make him laugh by being himself.

Regulus grinned again, though he struggled not to. James Potter was certainly more interesting than he thought. Even Sirius had never managed to make him laugh or smile against his will. "From what I've heard from Evans, surprising those two usually results in mental scars."

James laughed, "Don't worry, Little One, I'll protect you."

Regulus wasn't sure why this pleased him so much, so he covered it by groaning good-naturedly. "Why does everyone call me that? Even the Sorting hat called me that!"

"What?" James asked, smiling and resisting the urge to wrap an arm around the younger boy's shoulder. He didn't think it would be a good idea to push their newfound friendship just yet.

"Tell me," Regulus said, stopping at the point where they would have to part ways, "am I really that little. Be honest. I know I'm not tall like Sirius is, or broad. That's why I'm a seeker, not a beater, but I can't be that little. Can I?"

James laughed, "You're not that little…the name just…suits you. I guess it's a personality thing. You're nowhere near as tough as you pretend to be. Inside, you're just like any little kid, wanting to be loved and accepted." James leaned over and messed up Regulus's hair again, "Find out if you can stay with us, Little One, and meet me here after dinner?"

"You got it, Potter." Regulus wished he could come up with something better to call James, but he didn't really know him. He was still hoping desperately that this wasn't a joke, and the fact that James could read him so easily made him a bit uncomfortable. Waving over his shoulder, he sauntered off to talk to Professor Slughorn, leaving both McGonagall and Dumbledore to James and his 'charms'.

* * *

James walked into the Great Hall for dinner, Remus and Sirius beside him. The bespectacled boy immediately looked toward the Slytherin table, when he caught Regulus's eyes he winked and nodded. Dumbledore and McGonagall had agreed to allow the younger Black to stay in Gryffindor tower over the holidays. McGonagall had even given James 10 points for being so considerate to a student in a younger year…and a Slytherin at that!

Regulus grinned and shot him a thumbs-up from where he was sitting, all alone, at the Slytherin table. On the plus side, all the food was rather conveniently in reach. Still, having that big table all to himself was a bit lonely. He found that he missed…well they weren't really his friends…his normal cohorts more than he liked.

James sat down at the Gryffindor table, purposely facing the Slytherin.

"So, what'd you and my brother have to say after you ran after him?" Sirius asked, sounding slightly bitter.

"Nothing much." James shrugged.

"You were gone a long time for nothing," Sirius muttered. He tried to tell him he wasn't mad at James for being the brother he couldn't be to Regulus at that moment, but he was lying and he knew it.

James shrugged, "We were talking. Trying to keep the pact going. He misses you."

James knew that he shouldn't be saying this to Sirius, knew that he should let Regulus and Sirius work things out for themselves. But it was impossible not to interfere at this point.

Sirius just snorted into his beef stew. Remus looked over at Regulus, how was soaking his roll in the broth.

"He does look lonely," Remus admitted, giving Sirius's hand a gentle squeeze under the table.

James tried again, "Maybe we should invite him to eat over here?"

"That's a brilliant idea James!" Remus said, cutting off Sirius's retort. "Don't you think so, Sirius? Of course you do. Why don't you invite him over?"

"That's a brilliant idea James!" Remus said, cutting off Sirius's retort. "Don't you think so, Sirius? Of course you do. Why don't you invite him over?"

"Yes!" Regulus blurted. Realizing his error, he tried to seem nonchalant. "I mean…yeah. Okay. If you want."

James smiled, "I want."

Regulus blushed, though he couldn't give himself a logical reason why. Picking up his food he, to the amazement of the teachers at the High table, moved over to sit by James at the Gryffindor table. The few Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws left began to whisper to those at their table.

James smiled and wrapped an arm around Regulus's shoulder. "Welcome to the best table of them all."

Remus laughed and squeezed Sirius's hand, trying to coax his boyfriend into saying something nice to his brother.

Regulus said nothing, instead sticking his spoon in his mouth. It was nice of James to invite him over, and he didn't want to spoil it by bringing up house rivalries.

James pulled his arm away and began to eat, "So…looking forward to Christmas? What should I get you?"

Sirius choked, sense when were James and Regulus close enough to get each other Christmas presents?

Regulus grinned, hating himself for enjoying the look on Sirius's face but enjoying it all the same. "Oh, I don't know. I need some new seeker gloves. Mine are wearing through."

"Not something you need. Something you want. Christmas is for things you want that are completely pointless for everyday life," James smiled, shaking his head at the young Slytherin. "But I'll get you some seeker gloves, too."

"Oh," Regulus said. It had never occurred to him to ask for something he wanted. Christmas was something that happened every year because it had to. He didn't even know what it was he wanted. "Well…um…I don't know, Potter. What do you think you should get me?"

James shook his head, "It doesn't work like that. You say what you want…I get ideas from your list and get you a marvelous present. You open it and get all happy and dance for joy. That's how Christmas works. So…what do you want?"

Remus put a hand on Sirius' leg to keep him from getting up and storming out of the room. It was evident to Remus that his boyfriend was not very happy about James' and Regulus' sudden bond. "It's true Regulus, and then everyone laughs and I have to get a picture." Remus said smiling and he gave Sirius's had a squeeze again to keep his temper in check.

"Well…I…" What did he want? Well, what did he want that James could actually get him was probably the better question. Suddenly, he blurted out, "A book. Get me a book on broomsticks."

James laughed, "A book? You obviously have a lot in common with Remus too." He liked having Regulus there, more than he was willing to admit even to himself. But he wished that Sirius would say something. This would be a lot less awkward if Sirius would accept it.

Remus smiled. "I'm flattered James. Honestly, I love books, however, I'm not fond of broomsticks." Remus admitted. He looked at Sirius, who looked torn. He had his lips pursed, obviously trying to obey orders and stay nice to his brother. If this continued, it wouldn't make much of a difference if the older black brother did let something pass because the tension in the air hung like anything Sirius could say.

Regulus looked at Sirius for the first time. "I love to fly. I want a book on broomsticks but…it doesn't serve a purpose." He tried to smile, to tell Sirius it was okay. Get him to do…something.

"I love flying too, and Quidditch. You and Sirius are both awesome players…but nothing compared to me," James smiled and looked over at Sirius, mentally begging him to say something. Something nice. Or at lease civil.

"You and you ego Mr. Potter. I'd keep your mouth and your pets mouths shut before I loose my temper." Sirius snapped. Remus suppressed a groan and shook his head at his boyfriend; obvious disappointment was etched in his features. Sirius almost looked apologetic, but instead he looked at the far wall.

Regulus looked for a minute like he wanted to shoot something back at him, but changed his mind halfway through. Instead he dropped his spoon and dove under the table to get it.

James growled, "Sirius, if you can't make this pact work, then just…stuff your head in a toilet and wash out your brain. You're not even trying!"

James shook his head and crawled under the table with Regulus, "Sorry, Little One."

Sirius snorted. "That was lame." He managed to murmur. His face was red with a mixture of anger and shame. He didn't know why he always wanted to make Regulus upset and angry, but it was something that he couldn't let go. That's because he won't let me go Sirius thought haughtily.

Regulus listened to Sirius before continuing to look for his spoon. It seemed to have disappeared. "It's okay. Really. It's no big deal. He does it all the time. I knew he would."

"That doesn't excuse it," James sighed, then did something on complete impulse. He hugged Regulus, right there under the table. "I really am sorry," he whispered, still holding onto the shocked Slytherin, " Things will get better. I promise."

Caught off guard, and never had any training for this kind of social situation, Regulus allowed himself to be hugged. He confessed to himself, and only himself, that he actually liked it. He never got hugs. Sirius hadn't hugged him since before Hogwarts, and his parents had never hugged him that he could remember. "I hope so. I want to be his brother, but I can't if he keeps doing this to me."

"I know," James pulled back only enough to look at Regulus, "I'll talk to him. I don't know what I can do, but I'll try. I want this to work for both of you. You both deserve better than what you have now, and you both need your brother."

James shook his head; he didn't want to let Regulus out of his arms. Regulus was cute, and soft, and needed someone to look out for him. And Regulus felt very good wrapped in James's arms, though James wasn't sure that he wanted to follow that train of thought just yet.

Regulus smiled. "We probably should get back up now. By the way, have you seen my spoon? It seems to have disapperated."

James laughed, moving his foot to reveal the spoon, "Didn't want you leaving until I had talked to you." Reluctantly, he let the younger boy go and climbed back into his seat, noticing the funny looks he was getting from everyone in the Great Hall.

Blushing slightly, Regulus got up. He looked at Sirius and said meekly, "I found it."

Sirius looked from Regulus's blush, to James's grin, and something clicked into place. He suddenly stood, "I…I've got to take a walk. I'll see you around later." He didn't mean to be rude; he just had to think over what was happening.

At the door, he turned and looked back at the table, giving Regulus a small smile before leaving.

Regulus, confused by Sirius's smile, did nothing but stare after him as Remus got up.

"I'm going to follow him. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." Remus sprinted across the Great Hall. "Hey! Sirius! Wait up!"

James sighed, turning back to Regulus, "Looks like it's just you and me again, Cub."

Regulus turned back to James, raising one delicate eyebrow. "Cub?"

James laughed, blushing, "The Regulus star is in Leo isn't it? But you're not exactly a lion…more like a lion cub. It's cute, like you."

Regulus felt his face get very hot, and almost wished he could go for a walk to. This was a bit…much. Not really a bad much, but much nonetheless. "Thanks. So…when do you want me to come up, since we got permission to follow the plan. You do still think it's a good plan, right?"

"Yes, I do," James, thought for a moment, "I need time to talk to Sirius, so how about you come up just before curfew tonight?"

"Great. Sounds like a…plan." He had been going to say date, but stopped for some reason. It just felt to awkward to say date around James.

Meanwhile, Remus had caught up to Sirius. "Hey, what was that all about?" He asked, panting slightly from his brisk run and sliding his hand into Sirius's.

Sirius brought Remus's hand to his lips and kissed it gently, "Do you think…could James fancy Regulus?"

"What?" Remus was a bit shocked by the question. "James? Well…we hardly know him. Regulus, I mean, not James. He's usually right there with you tor… I mean teasing him. I don't think…could he? I mean, he's liked Evans forever!"

"Yeah, and Evans never liked him back," Sirius shook his head, trying to get his thoughts in order. "It's just, Prongs was so smiley last night, when he got back from talking to Regulus. And yelling at me at the table? And following Regulus under the table? And James came up grinning and Regulus blushing? I just…that's how we used to act." Sirius smiled and kissed Remus's cheek.

Is "it?" Remus said, blushing a bit at the kiss in spite of himself. "But, like I said, he hardly knows Regulus. None of really does, except you. Can you fall in love with someone in two days? It took us almost five years…"

"In love?" Sirius bit his bottom lip, not really knowing how that made him feel. He didn't want to lose James, or lose Regulus to James. James had always been his brother, but what would he do if James started dating his brother?

Remus shook his head, pretending not to see Sirius's disturbed look. "There's no way you could fall in love with someone after just two days. It's not possible. Prongs just thinks that Regulus needs…needs someone to look after him." He had decided that saying 'needs a brother' was not the best way to broach this subject. It would only get Sirius defensive.

Sirius shook his head, "It's more than that. I know Prongs better than I've ever known anyone, even you." Sirius sighed, "I fell in love with you the first time we had a real conversation. I just didn't realize what that meant, until I was older. I didn't know boys could love boys. But Prongs…he knows. So if he saw something in Regulus that attracted him, he'd fall in love before he even thought about it."

Not at all sure how he was supposed to take that, Remus decided the best tactic was to get Sirius's mind to focus on the impossibilities and thereby disturb him less. "Well, they hardly ever see each other. Even if Prongs did fall in love, he could only see him at meal times. Eventually it would pass. Like a…a…phase or something. I mean, I'm being in Slytherin has to effect it. I know our relationship would be a lot harder if we didn't share a dorm room."

Sirius sighed, "I love my brother. I want him happy. But…I just…I'm just selfish."

Finding himself still on unstable ground, and not at all happy about it, Remus realized he could not tell whether by his brother he meant his actual brother or Prongs. Leaning his head against his lover's shoulder, he said the only thing he could think of, "We'll just have to play it by ear, I suppose. Whatever happens, happens."

Sirius nodded. Then smiled his most mischievous smile, "Speaking of sharing a dorm…ours is currently empty. Why don't we take advantage of that?"

Remus laughed and allowed himself to be dragged off toward the tower. Few and far between were the moments they could spend just the two of them, and Remus relished them. Within moments of their arrival in the privacy of their dorm room, love lives and brothers were objects long forgotten by the two boys completely in love with each other.


	2. Chess

A/N: I really hope that someone will read this someday.

"Sirius?" James called as he walked up the stairs to the boy's dorm, later that night. He had learned long ago that, if the dorms had been empty for over an hour, you had to knock before entering. Otherwise you might just see more than you bargained for.

"We're decent James," Remus called from where he was sitting by Sirius on their beds- the two of them having long ago pushed their two beds together into one big one.

James smiled and walked into the room, "I was hoping that I gave you two enough time to do…whatever, before I came up here." James sat down on his own bed, which was right next to Sirius' and Remus'. "I need to talk to you, Sirius. About Regulus."

Sirius grunted, but didn't look up from where he was adjusting his socks. His thoughts from earlier were all coming back in a rather unpleasant way.

"Listen," James sighed, not knowing where to begin. "He needs you. He needs his brother. And you need him too. If you guys can't put aside your differences, then you know exactly where he'll end up. He'll end up following the path your parents want and becoming a Death Eater. But…if you two can drop all the crap that's built up between you, then he might just see that he has other choices. That he has a reason to leave the path your parents laid for him. And you'll have your brother back; the one I know how much you miss. I know it won't be easy, but he's willing to try. Are you?"

James said it all very quickly, not wanting to be interrupted. He held his breath, waiting for Sirius to respond.

"I…" Sirius bit his lip, looking up a James. He had honestly been expecting Prongs to ask if it was okay that they dated. Now that he was turning it into something about Regulus, Sirius didn't know how to respond. "How do you know he isn't already a Death Eater? How do you know it isn't to late?"

James didn't hesitate, "It's never too late. I can't say whether he is a Death Eater or not, I don't know. But it's never too late, until after death. If he has already gotten the Dark Mark, then talk to him. Let him know that he has options, that he could be a spy, or go into hiding. But let him know that whatever he choices, he has a brother there for him. He needs you. And you need him."

"Well, how do you know what I need?" Sirius offered, lamely. It was harder for him to say, at that moment, which he hated more James, or the fact that James was right.

James smiled, "Because I know you. I know how much it kills you that Regulus doesn't follow you everywhere anymore. That you two can't share secrets anymore. That you can't…" James laughed, daring to voice what Regulus had told him yesterday, "Spend hours sprawled out on the roof looking at the stars. I know you want this just as much as he does."

Sighing, and deciding it was probably best if he didn't ask how James had come to learn what he and Regulus had done when they were younger, Sirius looked evenly at his best friend and partner in crime. "Fine. Fine, I'll try it. Where should I start, oh great all knowing deer of the forest?"

James laughed, "Tonight. McGonagall and Slughorn gave Regulus permission to stay in Gryffindor tower for the holidays. I'm supposed to meet him and bring him up in a few minutes. It was supposed to be a surprise for you, but I figured, in light of today, you should know. Now bow before the all-knowing deer!"

Sirius looked for a moment like he didn't know whether to hug Prongs or punch him, so he settled on sticking his hands in his pockets. "Well…this should be sufficiently awkward."

"It will only be awkward if you guys make it that way," James smiled, getting to his feet to go meet the young Slytherin. "Just be yourself around him, and forget (for now) everything you've both been through."

With that, James left the room.

Regulus stood exactly where he'd promised James he'd meet him, fidgeting nervously and playing with the sleeve of his robes. Professor Slughorn had promised that the house-elves would bring up all of the things he would need for the day every day, so he didn't need to worry about packing and to have a good break.

Which had, unfortunately, left Regulus with nothing to occupy his mind but questions. Would Sirius be okay with this? What would they do if he wasn't? What if he wasn't really going up at all? What if James never showed up? What if it was all just an elaborate prank on their part?

Regulus felt suddenly ill. If this was a prank he'd fallen for it completely, and he didn't know what he'd do when they told him it was.

"Hey," James smiled when Regulus jumped. "Sorry, Cub. Didn't mean to scare you. All ready?"

"I wasn't scared. Just because I'm not in your house doesn't mean I'm easily scared." Regulus responded, hoisting his backpack full of homework off the floor. "Lead the way, fearless Gryffindor."

James laughed, "Alright, fearless lion cub."

James turned and started up the stairs, "Is that all you're bringing? One backpack? I know I'm used to living with poofs who pack their life into an overnight bag, but that seems a little on the light side for a week."

Regulus shifted uncomfortably. "Professor Slughorn said that the house elves would bring up whatever I needed for the day. He told me not to worry about anything and to have a nice week. Oh, yeah! And he sent you this." Regulus reached into the backpack and pulled out a bottle labeled 'Madam Rosemerta's Finest Oak-Matured Mead'. "He's says its for taking the last remaining Slytherin off his hands. I think it's actually a bribe."

James laughed, taking the bottle, "I think I like that Head of House of yours."

James wrapped his arm around Regulus's shoulder, "I talked to Sirius. He's agreed to be good and to try and make things work for you two."

Regulus snorted, trying not to laugh. "You make us sound like a couple instead of brothers."

"Well, if the shoe fits," James laughed, "You two act like an old married couple some times. Always bickering. But you can't live without each other…at least not happily."

Regulus made a face. "Incest. So wrong." He shook his head, following James up the stairs. "Gees, how far away is this tower of yours?"

"Pretty far, that's how we all stay so thin," James winked, "We work out a lot. Here we are." James said as they came to a painting of a very fat and very pink lady. "Meus Frater Semper Remanebis." The portrait swung open.

"I'm Head boy, I picked the password," James answered Regulus's questioning look.

Shaking his head, both in amazement that someone would paint a lady that fat and that James would pick such an ironic password, he followed James without question. At least McGonagall wouldn't have to worry about him telling the other Slytherins where the Gryffindor common room was. He'd never be able to find his way to and from the tower on his own.

James smiled, "Sirius and Remus are in the dorm room, but they promised to stay decent."

James led the way up the stairs and opened the door to their room. Remus lay beside Sirius on their bed, gently tracing patterns across Sirius's stomach. James cleared his throat and both boys looked up.

Regulus was studying his shoes. He would not feel awkward. He would be confident. He wouldn't be embarrassed, or say anything about his brother's sexual orientation. Especially when he was questioning his own.

Mentally, he slapped himself. He was NOT thinking about that. James was being nice to him because he wanted him to go back to being Sirius's little brother. There was NOTHING between them. He only wished he believed that.

Remus smiled at the two, a small blush on his cheeks from being caught by new eyes. He sat up and grinned at Regulus. "Welcome to the Dormitory. Your bed is over there, go ahead and make yourself at home." Remus said in a very friendly manner. Sirius looked from James to Regulus skeptically, but brought himself to smile at the pair, including his very small looking brother.

Regulus walked over to the bed Remus had gestured to and placed his backpack on it. Then, not knowing what else to do, he flopped over on the bed. To his surprise, he sank into the bed. "Whoa!"

James laughed, leaning against the doorframe.

"Why so surprised?" Sirius questioned, "Do they make you sleep on slabs of stone down there or what?" Sirius grinned at looked at Remus. "That would at least explain Bella's attitude." He whispered to his companion, who chuckled and looked at the younger Black child warmly. "Well Regulus, now that you're here, what do you wish to do?"

"I don't know," Regulus said, sitting up. It wasn't that Slytherin beds weren't comfortable, because they were. They just weren't so…poofy, was the word he decided on. "What do you do up here for fun?"

"Exploding snaps is one." James answered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I normally read books, and Peter usually spends time laughing at Sirius and James when ever they play that horrid game." After Remus finished he noted the mock-hurt looks on Sirius' and James' faces. "Ok, not horrid, but it can get annoying." Remus said exasperated.

"We play that," Regulus said, sitting up. He ran his hand through his hair. "Do you guys have a chess set? I love playing Chess."

James nodded and so did Sirius. Remus sighed, obviously a little disappointed that the young Slytherin hadn't chosen books and he walked over to his book shelf to find a suitable choice of entertainment. Sirius, meanwhile, grabbed a set from underneath James' bed and he held it in the air triumphantly. "Who's playing first?"

James shrugged, "Doesn't really matter to me, I'll kick both your arses before we're through."

Regulus said nothing, but smiled wickedly. James Potter had no idea what he was in for. The year when Sirius had been in school but Regulus had still been at home, he had constantly played chess against anyone who would give him a second glance, including the portrait of Phineas Nigellus. He had gotten good.

Remus decided to make himself comfortable on the bed next to his lover and started to read while using Sirius' stomach as a pillow. Sirius smiled at his brother's wicked grin and wondered mildly what the stupid deer had gotten himself into this time.

James sat down across from Regulus and smiled. Winking, he said, "Don't worry, Cub, I'll go easy on you."

"Cub?" Sirius and Remus asked simultaneously.

James just smiled and shrugged, leaving Regulus to explain.

"My star." Regulus explained, color creeping into his pale face. "The heart of Leo. He doesn't think I'm a lion yet, but only a cub." Regulus waved his wand and the pieces instantly jumped into place. "White goes first, Potter."

Sirius laughed at the nickname, but made note of it in his mind, adding to his theory about his best mate and his brother. Remus shrugged and made a little 'it's cute' comment before being absorbed in his book. "Cub? Yeah, I can agree with that. Just a cub. Not dangerous, and still relies on it's mum." Sirius didn't mean it in an offensive way, but he realized too late that it could be taken that way so he kept his face in an almost mocking smile.

"And he's cute like a little cub," James laughed, trying to lighten the mood, "plus his hair looks like the start of a little mane." James reached over and lightly pulled on a lock of the younger Black's hair. He didn't like being this affectionate with the boy in front of Sirius, because Sirius would know instantly how James was feeling…and James wasn't sure that he wanted Sirius to know how he felt towards Regulus before he himself was sure.

Regulus smiled a bit and moved his pawn two spaces. James, he decided, would be a difficult opponent if only because he was distracting. "At least," he said without looking at Sirius, "a cub doesn't have to worry about where its next meal is going to come from." He'd wanted to say that at least a cub still has a mother, but didn't dare.

Sirius snorted. "I don't have to. My Remmie always provides." Sirius said wickedly. Remus blushed and moved his book closer to his face. Sirius grinned at his accomplishment before turning his attention back to the game. "James, you have NO idea what a trap you've gotten yourself into." Sirius snickered, imagining his friend demise.

James shifted on the bed, so that his foot was now touching Regulus's. He moved his pawn forward. "I happen to be an excellent chess player and will soon whoop Cubs arse. You will rue the day you decided to play with me," he said that last to the boy opposite him.

Regulus felt the back of his neck go red as he dropped his pawn. He KNEW James didn't mean it that way and hated himself for even thinking it. He realized, however, that he could play just as dirty as Potter if he wanted. He was Black. Black's did not lose.

Carefully, he shifted his weight so that his leg was now slightly over lapping James's, and instantly wondered if this was going to be more distracting for him or James. He made his move.

Remus quickly glanced at the pair playing chess and Sirius' theory suddenly came into his focus. Was it true? As he turned his head to look at the pair he confirmed it. Something was going on between those two, and there was no way to deny it. Sirius tried to ignore it and let his mate and brother...play in peace. "James, honestly, this game is going to be more than you bargained for." Sirius was trying to drop hints at his friend, but he decided that it didn't matter to the love-struck stag. He was long gone.

James was suddenly having trouble breathing. All Regulus had done was move his leg, and now…James just wanted to lean over and run his fingers through the boys' hair again. He shouldn't be thinking like this. This was Sirius's brother. A Slytherin. But…Regulus was pretty attractive. He had all of Sirius's charm, and good looks, but there was an innocence there that Sirius never had. And Regulus was just so….cute.

James smiled and quickly made his move; he then leaned back on his elbows and took Regulus's foot in his hands. Pulling off the shoe, he started to gently message the boy's foot, making sure that he didn't tickle him.

Regulus froze. James hadn't just…he wasn't really giving him a foot massage. Shaking his head to try and rid it of the pleasure induced fog it was in, he leaned forward to make his move, making sure his face was only inches from James's as he did so. "Cheater."

Sirius moved his head to not look. He wasn't seeing this. His temper raged to his face and he cleared his throat and counted to ten. Remus snorted and tried to distract Sirius by looking up at him and promptly putting his face right next to Sirius'. Sirius blinked and expected something very pleasing, but only got a book in his face. "This is really an excellent book." Remus said brightly.

James's heart sped up at Regulus's closeness. He had the sudden urge to kiss the boy, and that really wouldn't go over well. Regulus was probably straight anyway…and Sirius would kill him. So, instead, James kissed Regulus's big toe, "I'm in Gryffindor, I would never cheat." And he made his move.

Regulus tried to keep himself from groaning. Potter just wasn't getting it, was he? Regulus was, however, acutely aware of the fact that his brother was still in the room and didn't dare make James understand.

"Would to. I've played your Quidditch team, James. They cheat." Regulus hoped that calling James by his first name would be a sufficient distraction for the trap he'd just set.

Sirius turned to see what was going on, his protective side kicking in. Remus, however, would not let him. He either had his book in his boyfriends face or he had his own face distractingly close to Sirius'. "No really. It's called Henrey the Fifth, or as I've heard it said, Henrey Five. It's facinating really..." Remus veinly tried to continue the conversation.

James smiled at Regulus's use of his first name…but that just wasn't good enough. Use of a first name wouldn't distract this stud (Stag, I meant stag). James pulled Regulus's foot dangerously close to his own crotch, smiling, "Our team doesn't cheat any more than yours does." And he moved, "Check."

Regulus was completely speechless. He felt dizzy, and simply could not think of any kind of response. Numbly, he knocked over his king. James had won…but he was going to pay for it later. Regulus vowed that much as he tried not to stare at James.

Sirius heard a clunk and he gently shoved Remus out of the way to see what it was. To his immense relief it was just Reggie's king. Oddly enough, Regulus had resigned. What had gone on between those two while Remus was distracting him. He took one look at the faces of the pair and he was about to pounce on the two when strong arms wrapped around his waist. He was pulled sharply back into Remus' arms and the lover turned Sirius' face so he could kiss him and take his mind off of the scene in front of him (hopefully).

"You gave up?" James asked, puzzled. He was really enjoying this game. Enjoying the excuse to flirt with Regulus without the boy freaking out and hexing him. "You weren't in check-mate. Just check. Why'd you quit?" James was starting to worry that he had gone too far and disgusted his new-found friend.

Regulus shook his head, trying to get his brain working again. "I…I couldn't see the way out. You're just better then I am, I guess." James, he realized, would never know what it took for him to say that. He wanted to ask James to play again, but didn't dare. He didn't know what he'd do to freak James out if he did.

James shook his head, that wasn't how he wanted to win. "It's Sirius's turn now…but maybe later you'll play me again? This time I promise not to cheat, as long as you don't."

Regulus laughed and nodded. "Alright, I promise. But, for the record, you started it. So…am I playing Sirius now or are you?"

"You. This is about your relationship with him," James smiled at Sirius, "Me and him get along fine. And you started it." James stood up and let Sirius take his seat, noticing the weird look that Sirius gave him.

For his part, Sirius didn't know how he felt about James and Regulus's casual flirting. He knew it made him mad, and jealous, and…uncomfortable. He just wasn't sure why. At least he knew that he wasn't a homophobe, Sirius grinned at the thought.

Regulus couldn't help it. He grinned at his brother. "Prepared to lose, big brother?" He stopped suddenly, realizing what he'd just called Sirius. He hadn't done that since he was eight-years-old. He felt color spread across his cheeks, and busied himself rearranging the board. He wondered as he rearranged the pawns if there was a limit to how many times a person could blush in a day.

Sirius pretended that he didn't hear Regulus's slip. It was nice to know that Regulus was getting comfortable enough to let something like that slip, and it made Sirius's mood lighten with hope. Hope for the both of them.

"I don't prepare to lose," Sirius smiled, feeling a little more comfortable than before, "But you should."

Regulus grinned wickedly. "Slytherins don't lose," Regulus said, winking at his brother, "and neither do Blacks. Of course…that really isn't possible is it? We can't both win, can we?"

Sirius's smile was a bit forced now, "Unless it's a stale mate, but I doubt that will happen. Last time we played you were absolutely pants at chess. And me and Jamie practice a lot."

"Don't," James said through gritted teeth, "call me Jamie." He then turned to Regulus, "That is one of your brother's many bad habits. Please make it a point not to adopt the name, as I **hate** it!"

"Last time we played," Regulus pointed out, "I wasn't even quite nine yet." Regulus made a mental note of James's comment, and decided to find a better nickname for him. "Your move, Sirius. Hey James? What about Jim? How does Jim sound?"

James shook his head, trying not to smile, "Better than Jamie."

"I like Jamie," Sirius whined, giving James puppy dog eyes. "I can call you Jamie, right Jamie?"

"Save the eyes for your boyfriend," James was really laughing now, "And, no."

Still resolved to find a good nickname for James, and ignoring the inexplicable stab of jealousy, Regulus made his first move. "Do you all have nicknames? I know Remus is Moony. I hear you guys call him it all the time."

Remus smiled slightly, obviously not as absorbed in his book as everyone thought. "James is Prongs, Sirius is Padfoot, and Pete is Wormtail. Don't ask how we got them…it's a marauders secret."

James smiled, hoping that Regulus didn't take to calling him Prongs. He didn't know why, but he really wanted the boy to come up with a name for him that only he would use. Not something so common as "Prongs."

Regulus nodded. He was curious now, certainly, but also knew the futility of the situation was in. They were not going to tell him. He added Prongs to the mental list of things not to call James, and moved his knight to capture one of Sirius's pawns.

Sirius smiled, noticing that his brother didn't ask about the names. The boy was growing up. Not too long ago, being told not to ask guaranteed that he wouldn't let it drop. Sirius mentally frowned, that wasn't "not too long ago", that was years ago. They had missed so much of each others lives. Sirius moved his bishop to capture Regulus's knight.

"So," Sirius started, not really knowing what to say. He just knew that he had to say _something_, before it was all too late, "got a girlfriend?" He immediately regretted that comment, knowing that James would be hurt if the younger boy did have one.

"Nope," Regulus answered easily, taking Sirius's bishop with a well-placed pawn. He really wasn't sure what to think of the question, but decided to leave it as it was. "The only girl that talks to me is Narcissa."

James smiled at that, "Do you fancy any girls?"

Sirius looked over at his best friend, wondering if he should have a talk with the bespectacled boy. Wondering if he should give his blessing. He wanted to see both boys happy…but with each other? He honestly wasn't sure about that.

"Or any guys?" Sirius added, winking, "If you're anything like me, that is." He wasn't sure that he should ask, but he wanted to be Regulus's brother again, and a brother would ask.

Regulus shrugged, not committing to anything. "Girls are too giggly," there. That was answering without really answering at all. He moved his Castle to capture Sirius's Queen.

Sirius laughed, "I agree, that's why I love my Remmie. No giggling." He moved a random piece on the board, not having any set plan at the moment.

Remus snorted, "You love me because I…Never mind." Remus muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Forgot there were children present."

James laughed, noticing that Regulus had not specified against fancying boys. He knew that he shouldn't be thinking it, but a part of him wondered if Regulus could fancy him. Another part of him kept screaming that he was STRAIGHT and fancied Lily Evens. But…straight things bend.

Regulus moved a pawn, carefully avoiding James's eyes. He wasn't sure if he fancied James, but he certainly enjoyed him. He'd certainly had a VERY physical reaction when James had touched him, but he'd never fancied anyone before. He wished, suddenly, that he could talk to Sirius about it, but they'd been enemies for so long that he didn't know if he could.

Sirius noticed his brother's silence. He had to be a good brother, he needed to be. And right now, being a good brother meant talking about the things that Regulus was worried about. But he couldn't do that in front of James and Remus. Sirius remembered when he had first started questioning his sexuality…he had no one to confide to, because he was so afraid of their reactions. If Regulus was really starting to fancy James…Sirius didn't want him to go through the questioning alone. But he still didn't know how he felt about the two.

Sirius heaved a mental sigh; he knew what he had to do. He had to put his own feelings aside for once in his life and focus on what his brother needed. And what his brother needed was a brother. A real one.

Suddenly brightening, Regulus moved his Bishop. "Check," he said gleefully, wondering if that was some kind of record. Maybe he would try to talk to Sirius later. Maybe. After all, Sirius fancied boys so at least he couldn't hate Regulus for it. Could he? Unless Sirius saw it as another way of Regulus trying to beat him. Regulus frowned, and stared at the board.

Sirius grumbled under his breath and moved his king to a safer position, "When'd you get so good at this?"

James smiled, leaning back on his elbows. This little reunion might just work to mend the brother's bond. He hoped so. He was really starting to like having Regulus around, and not just because of the physical reaction he was having to the boy. Regulus was fun, and easy to joke with. He was pretty easy on the eyes too.

"When you were here, and I had nothing else to do," Regulus said off-handedly. He moved another piece. He was beginning to wonder when his life had become so much like a chess game. Trying to keep both his parents and Sirius happy. Trying to the bidding of The Dark Lord when he didn't really believe it. It was a careful balancing act that he wished he were as good at as actual chess.

James frowned, realizing for the first time just what being a Black child meant. It meant no real friends. Only having people around to help you reach your goals. Sirius had broken out of that habit, and James had never stopped to think about what growing up must have been like for Regulus. Why hadn't he ever considered it before?

Sirius moved a chess piece, not sure what to say to Regulus's comment. He hated going home to Grimmauld Place, and loved leaving there. But that always meant leaving his brother behind. Even when Regulus came to Hogwarts, Sirius left him behind…Sirius had outgrown him and left him behind with all the rest of his childhood. But now?

"Well, now you have someone to practice with," Sirius whispered, meeting Regulus's eyes, "Anytime you want."

Regulus couldn't help it. He instantly grinned. "You mean it? You'll really practice with me? 'Cause I bet Severus 3 galleons I could beat him when he got back, and I know I can if you and James help me!"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter at his brother's enthusiasm, "I promise."

"Me, too," James said immediately, loving the idea of more time spent with the Slytherin…and the idea of helping someone beat Snivellus. Too bad he had promised he wouldn't cheat next time. But the time after that?

Regulus, grinning now from ear to ear, casually moved a piece. "Checkmate."


	3. TalkingEvesdropping

"Bugger," Sirius tipped over his king. "Well, at least I didn't forfeit," the older Black teased, winking at his brother.

James gave his best innocent look, just in case anyone chose to accuse him of cheating again. Which he would deny having done, even if he had already admitted it.

"Anyway," Sirius continued, deciding that if they were ever going to talk, now was the time, "I need to talk to Regulus in private. You guys mind skiving off for a bit?"

Regulus gulped warily as Remus nodded and hauled James to his feet. "Sure thing, Padfoot. We'll be doing our homework in the common room if you need us!"

Remus dragged James toward the door, and James whispered, "are we really?"

"Of course not," Remus replied. "Leave them alone? Do I look crazy? We'll be just outside the door."

Sirius turned to the slightly nervous Regulus, "I saw you and James during the chess match."

He wasn't sure how to start this conversation…or where to take it. Hopefully Regulus would steer it to the area that the boy needed to discuss most. Hopefully Regulus felt comfortable enough to discuss anything with him.

Regulus bit his lip. What was he supposed to say? Was there anyway to avoid this conversation? Running through his options, and deciding there weren't any, he decided to dive in. "How do you know you fancy someone?"

Outside the door, James smiled. He wasn't sure that he fancied Regulus. He was honestly too confused with everything that had happened to know what to think any more. He supposed that was why he had fancied Lily for so long, she was someone that he was attracted to (in both mind and body) and there weren't any complications. Other than Lily hating him, but that was livable. He wished he knew just how he was feeling…and whether he was straight, bi, or gay.

Sirius sighed and leaned back on his elbows, "I suppose it's different for everyone. For me…I noticed right away when I first started fancying Remus. I noticed that I wanted to be around him more than ever, that I found any excuse to touch him. I couldn't stop thinking about him, even in my sleep. I was constantly wondering what it would be like to hold him, to kiss him, to just be with him.

"It wasn't some fairy tale where I knew that if I could only have him then my life would be perfect. It was more…I knew that if he wanted me back, if he ever wrapped his arms around me, then everything could be forgotten, for just that minute. All the pains of life would still be there, but I knew that I could forget everything and just be at peace for the moment that he held me in his arms," Sirius smiled at the memory. "And I knew that if I ever had him, I would never let him go."

Sirius looked up and suddenly remembered who he was talking to and why, "Ohh…yeah." The older boy chuckled, "But I suppose that wasn't really fancying. I suppose I was in love with him from the start."

Remus smiled. He knew that feeling. He had known that having Sirius wouldn't solve his problems, but knowing he wasn't alone would make them easier to bear. He glanced at James, and easily saw the confusion written on his face. Remus sighed, for once glad that he wasn't James. He had known since he was young that he fancied other blokes. To be seventeen and just figuring that out would considerably more difficult.

Regulus shifted his weight from foot to foot. Sirius's speech, while informative, had not helped to solve the problem. "Well, yeah, but you knew Remus before. I wouldn't want to fancy any one I know." Here he made a face. The thought of kissing Barty Crouch Junior, or worse Snape, made him want to hurl.

Sirius laughed outright, "That's good, cause I'd have to kill you," Sirius decided he'd better reword that before Regulus thought he was being threatened, "to put you out of your misery if I found out you were dating Snivellus. But you're right; I did know Remus for a long time before I fell in love with him. I guess…you'd know cause of how they made you feel. The sight of them would make your heart speed up and your breath catch in your throat. You'd want to be near him, and to touch him. And he'd turn you on."

"I never said it was a guy," Regulus blurted out in one breath. "What would make you feel like it's a guy that I'm talking about? Not, of course that it isn't…but I didn't say that it was!" Feeling like an idiot now, Regulus shut up.

Outside the door, Remus had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. The poor kid!

James frowned, he had thought that Regulus was talking about him…but…what if he was wrong. What if the boy was straight after all? James felt like his stomach had just fallen to his feet. He didn't exactly how he felt about Regulus, but…he knew how he wanted Regulus to feel about him. James turned and started down the stairs, suddenly depressed.

Inside the room Sirius was laughing, "I saw the way you were looking at James. I know exactly who you were asking about. And it's not so bad, you know. Being with a bloke, I mean."

"Where are you going?" Remus called after him, still laughing. "I thought you'd be pleased? He's so obviously talking about you, you prat. You should hear him now."

Regulus was blushing furiously, and staring at his shoes. "Am I that obvious?" He looked up at Sirius suddenly, his blue eyes wide. "You're not mad at me for this, are you? 'Cause I really didn't mean for anything to happen! Well…not that anything has happened, but…you don't hate me more for this do you?"

James paused and looked up, "How do you know he was talking about me? What do you mean I should hear him now?" James hurried back up the stairs, smiling like an idiot.

Sirius hesitated, wanting to say the truth. "I never hated you. I just…I…I don't really mind you and James. I mean I do," Sirius gave a small snort at his own ineloquence, "I'm scared because I don't want to lose my best friend. And I don't want to lose my brother again. I'm jealous because I see how easy you two are around each other and I'm your brother and we never had that easiness. And I'm mad because I hate feeling like this. But I see how you look at each other, and I want you both to be happy. I guess I just never imagined that you would be happy together."

Sirius raised his eyes to meet his brothers, "But I know that James would give you everything you deserve, and I'm pretty sure that you would do the same for him. So I'm okay with this. I still feel scared and jealous and mad, but I'll get over it."

Remus smiled at James. How predictable. "See, he was talking about you. That's why Sirius is rambling like that."

Regulus met Sirius's gaze with considerably more ease then he had for years. "You're wrong. We had that ease, once. Even if you'd rather forget…I remember. I just…what do I tell Mother? She was heartbroken when you left. I know you don't believe it, but she was. I'm supposed to take care of her now…what am I supposed to do?"

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, thinking. "It's not that I'd rather forget that we had that ease…it's just hard to believe that it happened when I meet your eyes now (or at least before this pact) and all I saw was anger. Now, I'm beginning to remember what it was like, and I miss it. And Mother? I don't know. I know she was heartbroken…but if I'd have stayed there, I would have died. It was killing me to live in that house. I couldn't…they didn't want **me**. They wanted all these things that I could never be. I just…" Sirius looked away, trying to keep the tears in his eyes from falling, "I'm so sorry that I left you." The last was barely more than a whisper.

"You could have said good-bye," was all Regulus had to say to that. That particular wound was too fresh, to new to discuss comfortably. He shook his head as if to clear it. "You're wrong, you know. They did want you. Mother never said it to you, but if you could have heard how proud she was about everything you did…you weren't perfect. You weren't perfect, but at least you were **_wanted_**. At least she was willing to hug you. At least they would call you their son." Regulus looked down now, trying to hide the tears that threatened to come. "Why didn't you take me with you? You knew what it was like for me. You knew. Still, you left me. And you didn't look back."

Sirius looked back up at his brother, "I wanted to take you. And I did look back. I got in a huge fight with Mother, right before I left. I told her that I was leaving, that I was taking you with me. She said that she wouldn't lose both her sons. That if I took you, she'd come after us. She'd take me to court for kidnapping. You were always stronger than me, Regulus." Two small tears fell from the corners of Sirius's eyes, but he ignored them, "I knew that you could survive. I knew that it meant losing you, but I...I wasn't strong enough. I would have killed myself."

Remus stared at James, trying to see if the other boy was as shocked about all this information as he was. He'd known home for Sirius was bad, but he'd never known it had been that bad. Trying to talk to Sirius about it was like trying to talk to a broomstick. He always closed up.

"That's what I don't understand," Regulus squeaked out, suppressing a sob. "You were the one they** loved**. What was so bad about that? To have parents that wanted you…that actually acknowledged you existed. Even when you screwed up, they loved you. If I screw up now, I'm done for. There is no redemption for me, and you…even now if you came back they'd still give you everything! You threw away what I always wanted, and then didn't take me with you. That's why it hurt. That you had that to throw away, and I didn't. I still don't, and you didn't take me. You didn't save me. You're my big brother! That's what you're supposed to do!" He was crying now, tears racing each other down his face and splashing onto his robes and onto the ground around his feet.

James was shaking from the effort of not opening that door and wrapping Regulus in his arms. He had always known Sirius's side of events, but he'd never heard how things were for Regulus. James glanced up at Moony, "How can we stop their pain? How can we protect them?"

Sirius stood still, letting the knowledge that Regulus was right seep into his very bones. He had always known that what he had done was wrong…not leaving, but leaving Regulus behind. "I'll be your big brother now," Sirius whispered, "I can't change what I did. I do regret it, though. I should have taken you with me. I knew it even then. But…I was young. I was selfish. Still am. But I still want to be your big brother."

Sirius walked over and put his hand on Regulus's shoulder, "I know that you think I had everything, but I didn't. They only loved me because I was their heir, and that's the only reason that they'd accept me back. I know that's more than you ever had, and I'm sorry. I wish that I could go back and give you everything you needed, but I can't. I'm sorry."

Remus shook his head mutely. This was too much. Yes, being a werewolf had screwed him over, but his parents had always stood by him. He always had a home to go to if he needed it. Sirius and Regulus…they didn't have that.

Regulus chocked on a sob, and flung his arms around his brother in a tight hug. He didn't feel sixteen, but six. He needed Sirius to hold him, to tell them that things would work out. Right now, he couldn't believe it on his own. He would lose everything if he continued, but he couldn't stop if he wanted to. The uncertainty was crushing him, and he needed his brother to take it away. Like he always had before.

Sirius wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, kissing the top of his head. "We have each other now. It may not be much, but it's more than we had before." Sirius felt like he was floating…like none of this was real. He felt like he would wake up any second and have to see that hateful look in Regulus's eyes again, and he knew that he couldn't live through that. "Can we just…start over? Just let the past lie and start from now?"

Regulus nodded, sniffling into his brother's chest. "Where do we begin? We're not little kids anymore." Regulus looked up, and managed a weak smile. "Little kids don't fancy their big brother's best guy friend."

Remus snorted with laughter. He felt like crying, and deciding to laugh instead. He rather liked Regulus when he was on their side. Maybe sharing Sirius with him wouldn't be THAT bad.

James smiled, knowing that he couldn't deny that Regulus liked him after a comment like that. And he couldn't deny how that made him feel. He still didn't know what his sexual orientation was…but he'd figure it out later. After he figured out how to go about getting Regulus to be his boyfriend.

Sirius smiled back at his brother, "We take it by ear, I guess. We just…do stuff like this. We talk about guys and life and hug and laugh and play chess. We'll figure the rest out as we go."

Regulus smiled at him, and rested his head against Sirius's chest. "You realized that talking about guys is not normal brother behavior, right? I mean, not that I'm complaining. I just wanted to make you aware."

"So," Remus said, smiling at James, "satisfied now?"

"Almost," James smiled back, then he winked. "Can we break in and hug them soon?"

Sirius shook his head, looking bewildered, "talking about blokes isn't normal brother behavior? Normal brothers don't know what they're missing!"

Remus snickered and knocked on the door. "Sirius? You done?"

Regulus laughed, breaking the hug and looking at his brother. "So…"

Sirius smiles, "What do you bet that they were outside the door the entire time listening to us?" He turned away from his brother's terrified look and yelled, "Come in!"

Remus turned the handle and came in, "Well, you're not dead. That's good to know. Shall we have James and Regulus do their rematch? James thinks he's worked out a new strategy, haven't you James?"

James smiled, but inside he was cursing Remus. He knew that he'd never be able to concentrate now, knowing that Regulus fancied him. James met Regulus's eyes and smirked, "Ready to have your arse beaten again?"

"You wish," Regulus shot back, grinning, and then added on a flash of inspiration, "Jay-Jay." He didn't know what made him say that, but he found he liked it. Something about it seemed to suit James. He had found the nickname.

James laughed, "Jay-Jay?" He immediately loved the name. "You go first, Cub."

Sirius looked over at Remus, smiling slightly. He still wasn't sure that he liked the relationship that his brother and his best friend were forming, but he could never say that the two weren't cute. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and kissed his boyfriend's forehead, "I love you, Remmie."

Remus smiled, cuddling up to his boyfriend's chest. "Love you too, Padfoot."

Regulus moved his pawn strategically. He had a plan, and this time he was going to win. He wasn't sure it was suddenly so important to him that he did. All he knew was that something inside him was screaming for him to win…but make the game last as long as humanly possible. Anything for an excuse to stay close to James, which he decided of course, meant that he did fancy James. He wasn't sure what to think of that, so he decided it was best not to.

James moved his pawn, and then moved his leg so that it was touching Regulus's. He wasn't trying to cheat…he just needed to touch the boy. A kind of lifeline to him while all this confusion and all these feelings were swirling around him. He needed that lifeline. Without it, he thought that he might be overwhelmed and just do something stupid…like kissing Regulus, or (on the opposite side of the spectrum) getting up to go find Lily and prove to himself that nothing had really changed. But things had changed, and it was a good change. He just had to figure out what it was, exactly, that was so different now.

Regulus swallowed, trying to ignore the touch. Obviously, James hadn't realized how he had been cheating last time. Taking a deep, trembling breath, Regulus moved his knight. He had to focus on his plan. He had to keep his head in the game.

James smiled, Regulus hadn't pulled away. He moved his bishop, "So…what did you and Sirius discuss while we were doing homework?"

On the next bed, Remus was suddenly having a coughing fit.

Sirius, confused or at least pretending to be, began to pat Remus on the back.

Regulus moved his bishop to take James's. "Oh, you know, this and that. Life, the past, and things like that. Did you and Remus have fun in the common room?"

James decided that making Regulus just a bit jealous wasn't exactly cheating, was it? "Loads. The room was completely abandoned, so me and Moony had it all to our own. The couch in front of the fire is my favorite place in the school, because it's just you, the other occupants of the couch, and warm firelight." James moved his knight to take Regulus's bishop.

Regulus scowled, but convinced himself it was because of the loss of his bishop. He would now need a new plan. He moved a pawn. "Sounds cozy…too bad you're straight." He wasn't sure he'd meant to say that, but now that he had there was no turning back. He stared at the board, pretending to concentrate, and waiting for James to respond.

James froze for a moment, not knowing how to respond. He couldn't deny it, because he wasn't sure what he was at the moment. But he didn't want Regulus to think that he was completely closed off to the idea either, because then the boy would decide to move on and stop fancying him. So he said the first thing that came to his mind, "Straight things bend."

Regulus looked up, his blue eyes wide. How was he supposed to respond to that? He moved his pawn to counter James's move. "Yeah, well Remus is taken, and from what I've seen he wouldn't do anything to betray my brother."

Remus blushed from the other bed, sending James a scathing look.

James laughed, "It's alright. Rem is sweet and all, but this bloke wouldn't bend for him. Besides, him and Siri are like my brothers. I've known them too long to ever look at them like that." Hints enough? James hoped so. This wasn't about winning the chess game…this was about winning a far bigger, and better, thing than he'd ever tried to win before. This was about winning someone's affections.

Regulus didn't dare to hope that James would bend for him, only partly because he was afraid of what he'd do if he did. He captured James's castle easily, and looked up at him. "Well," he heard himself asking without really realizing it was him, "what kind would you bend for?"

James blushed. He _actually **blushed!**_ He wanted to say something witty and memorable, but his mind was suddenly blank. Falling back to old habits, James's hand went to his hair and he absentmindedly messed it up while thinking. This, he was pleased to discover, saved him from answering. At the moment that they realized what he was doing, Sirius and Remus burst into laughter and James and Regulus both jumped at the sudden noise.

"It's the mighty finger comb of lust!" Sirius laughed falling over. Remus's mouth was twitching, trying not to smile. So James.

Regulus, confused, went back to studying the board. "So…your move." He wasn't sure whether he meant in chess or not, but decided it didn't matter.

James's blush deepened, "Umm…" He moved a piece on the board. He realized just then that he had absolutely nothing intelligent left in his brain to say. So…stupidity had worked before, it might work again. "I would definitely bend for David Bowie." The second he said it, he cursed himself. Now he had something else to add to the confusion…because he was pretty sure that was a true statement.

"What on earth is a David Bowie?" Regulus asked, suddenly staring at James like he had grown a second head.

Regulus, Sirius suddenly remembered, had no exposure to things that were muggle, as David Bowie most certainly was. Between still living with their parents and being the pride of Slytherin house he wouldn't have had a chance. Sirius groaned. "My poor deprived baby brother! Remus, we must fix this while we can!"

Remus snorted, grinning behind his hand.

James smiled as Sirius jumped from the bed and pulled out a David Bowie album. He quickly pulled the record from the case and tossed the case over for his brother to look at the picture on the cover. Sirius then ran over to the record player that Remus had magically modified to work within Hogwarts and the man's angelic voice soon filled the room.

There's such a sad love – deep in your eyes, - a kind of

Pale jewel – o-pen and close – within your eyes. I'll place the

Sky----------with-in your – eyes. There's such

Fooled heart – beating so fast – in serch of

New dreams, a love that will last – within your heart. I'll place the

Moon ------------with-in your – heart.

As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you, - ev-'ry thrill has

Gone, - was-n't too much fun at all. –

But I'll be there for you, --------------- as the world falls down, as

World falls –down, fallin-ing in love, --

Mornings of gold – I'll spin you val-en-tine eve-nings, though we're

Strangers 'til now, - we're choos-ing a path- between the stars. I'll lay my

Love---------------be-tween the stars.

As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you, - ev-'ry thrill has

Gone, - was-n't too much fun at all. –

But I'll be there for you, --------------- as the world falls down, as

World falls –down, fallin-ing in love, --

As the world falls down,

Fall-ing in love. – as the world falls down

Makes no sense at all, --makes no sense to fall-

As the world falls down

Fall-ing in love. --- as the world falls

Fall-ing in love – as the world falls

Fall-ing in love --

Fall-ing in love. –fall-ing in love--

There was silence for a moment after the song had finished. Regulus's eyes were wide with delight. "That's one of the best things I've ever heard! No Wizard group could ever do that." He looked back at the record cover in his hand. He grinned and, gathering all his courage, winked at James. "I can see why you'd bend for him. Is it the tight clothing or the eyeliner?"

James nearly choked, and he had to suppress the sudden need to pull the album cover out of Regulus's hands and never let the boy lay eyes on Bowie again. His brain, thankfully, informed him of the stupidity of this action and he instead laughed and answered, "Bit of both I think…but mostly it's his voice. The voice alone could send shivers down your spine like a lovers touch."

Regulus shrugged and handed the case back to Sirius. "I wouldn't know about the lover's touch thing. I can't sing. I can draw though. I love to draw. Mother says I shouldn't. It's too muggle for her, but…I can't help it. I love to do it. You know?"

Sirius smiled at his brother's small show of rebellion…and his obvious need to impress James.

James laughed, "That's better than I'm doing. I can't draw or sing." James moved another chess piece, working up the nerve to ask his next question. "Will you draw something for me?" He put on his best puppy dog eyes to complete the request.

Regulus grinned, color rising in his pale cheeks. "Sure, if you want. What would you like a picture of?" He moved his pawn strategically, hoping that James wouldn't notice.

James didn't notice. He was too busy trying to think of something for Regulus to draw him that would be just personal enough to make him feel good, but wouldn't be so personal that Regulus realized James's feelings before he had time to win the boys heart. His immediate reaction was to ask for a picture of Regulus himself, but that had to be dismissed as too personal. Then it hit James, he could get the picture of Regulus after all. All he had to do was word it right, "I want a picture of us. Of this Christmas and you, me, Sirius, and Remus all celebrating together. Something of a memento of our first Christmas being friends, and yours and Sirius's first Christmas together in too long. Hopefully it will be the first of many Christmases."

Regulus nodded, slightly dazed. That would take a bit of work, but he could do it. If James had asked him to draw himself naked, he probably would have done it- happily too, because that meant that James liked him back. As it was, he would have to do his best to make the picture the best one he'd ever made.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius. It was obvious what James really wanted, and he'd heard Regulus confess his attraction. Why didn't he just kiss him and get it over with? He and Sirius had to play around because they hadn't known. James knew, and this was a bit ridiculous.

James smiled at Regulus's nod. He would do it! And then James would have a picture of the boy. James knew that Regulus was thinking about whether or not he fancied James, and James didn't want to push his luck too hard. He really wanted to be with this boy, and to do that, he had to convince Regulus that yes, he did really fancy James. And let Regulus know that he fancied him back. James moved a piece on the board, then leaned back and looked at Regulus, "You can make that my Christmas present."

Sirius shook his head at his friend, he really was clueless. 'Just make a move already!' the older Black mentally screamed.

Regulus casually captured James's queen, "oh, I'll get you something else too. You said you were going to get me new seeker gloves and a book. You should get at least two presents I think. Check, by the way."

James now had a permanent smile on his face. He quickly moved his king from harms way, but it was obvious who was going to win this game. James could only really win when he distracted the smaller boy. "You don't have to get me anything else. I'm just buying your presents. You're actually making mine. That makes your gift ten times better than anything I give you."

Regulus smiled, moving his bishop and rearranging his strategy. "Don't worry about it. I love to draw. It doesn't really take work. You know what we have at home?" Regulus asked as his bishop knocked over James's pawn. "A chess set that bleeds. Sirius did it, and no one can figure out how to undo it."

James looked down at the chess set, trying to imagine bleeding pieces. "I'm glad mine doesn't. That would be cool and all, but I'd hate to clean up the mess." James moved his piece, trying to prolong the inevitable demise he would have to face. "Maybe I'll take you out for a butterbeer in thanks for the picture then, if you insist on getting me a different Christmas present." He really tried not to make it sound like a date. It wasn't really. At least not at this point. He wouldn't ask Regulus out until he was sure that the Slytherin had decided to fancy him. He just wanted to get Regulus into the idea of spending time, just the two of them.

"Yeah," Regulus said, trying to make it sound like he could take it or leave it, "alright. Sounds good. Check."

James glared at the bored, as if his losing were all the fault of his pieces. He moved his king to safety yet again, "You know…I think I would bend for you, too." James smiled seductively up at Regulus.

Regulus knocked over one of his pieces in surprise. "Oh," he managed to stutter in a weak voice. "Really?"

"Cheater!" Remus half laughed, half yelled. "Sirius, catch your brother, he looks like he's going to faint."

"Do not," Regulus protested, moving his queen with a shaking hand. "Check."

James smiled at Regulus, ignoring Remus's words. He reached over and moved his king, then leaned forward slightly, "Would you bend for me?"

Regulus's breath was now coming in short gasps, and for a moment Remus thought he really was going to pass out. Instead, he simply breathed the word, "checkmate."

Both Sirius and Remus began to laugh.

"I'd never realized," Remus said, smiling at his boyfriend, "that checkmate could be an affirmative answer. Check, mate. Checkmate. Your brother is clever."


	4. The Begining

Now James scowled, "Stupid chess set." He then looked up at the boy across from him and noticed that his breathing had sped up. James smiled and, knocking over his king, leaned back on his elbows and _accidentally _slipped the fingers of his hand up Regulus's pant leg and touched the skin just above his sock.

Regulus's breath caught in his throat, and it suddenly felt like the world was spinning very quickly. He felt rather light headed, and so layback on the bed. "I think I'm done with chess for now," he said, even as he asked himself what that was all about.

James smiled, wanting nothing more than to pull the boy into his arms and lay cuddled up to him. "That's cause it's late. We should go to bed." Why did they have to have an extra bed? Why couldn't all the beds be full so that James could offer to share his with Regulus? Bloody Peter having to go home and visit his mother!

Regulus nodded mutely, shaking his head like one who'd just been awaken from a very vivid dream. He stumbled over to the bed that was his for the holiday, and pulled his pajamas out of his backpack, a long with his sketchpad and a wide assortment of pencils. Holding the silky green pajamas in one hand, he looked over at his brother. "Where should I change?"

"Where you're standing is fine," Sirius laughed. The Gryffindor boys always changed in front of each other, but he already knew how awkward that would be tonight.

James blushed slightly at the mental image he got. Trying to ignore it, he stood and pulled his shirt over his head. He then proceeded to dig through his trunk for his pajama bottoms (he never wore a shirt to bed).

"You change in front of each other?" Regulus asked, using all his self-control so that he didn't turn and look at James. Even as he said it, he realized it was a dumb question. Of course they did! Remus and Sirius were boyfriends, and James and Peter were straight. Well…at least they did like _each other_. Regulus was no longer so sure about James's sexuality, but had already decided that was a good thing.

He was not, however, accustom to changing in front of other boys. Slytherins changed in the bathroom. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see James shifting through his trunk. The waning moonlight filtered through the frost-covered window and reflected off the perfect muscles on the other boy's bare arms and perfectly formed back. He was tanned, but not brown, and well proportioned. Regulus felt a longing deep inside himself, and groaned inwardly. If things could get anymore awkward he would die of shock. He had no idea how he was supposed to change and hide that at the same time.

James finally found his pants and stood. He glanced over at where Remus and Sirius had already drawn their curtains and headed to bed. He hoped they remembered the silencing spell. They sometime forgot and James didn't have the heart to break them up in the middle…yeah. He didn't want to listen to that again. He glanced over at Regulus, who was still standing there awkwardly.

"You don't have to change in here, if it makes you uncomfortable," James hated saying it, because he really wanted the chance to see more of Regulus's body. But he didn't want the boy to feel uncomfortable either. "There's a bathroom over there," he pointed to the door. James began to undo his pants, watching Regulus out of the corner of his eyes.

"No," Regulus managed to gasp before turning around to face the wall, "no it's alright. I'll just…change here." Closing his eyes, Regulus stripped on his shirt. He would not turn around. He would openly stare at the other boy, and certainly wouldn't reveal how he felt until he was absolutely certain James returned his…er…feelings.

James watched Regulus's back. "Cub?" He let his pants fall to the floor so that he was now only in boxers. "You don't have to prove anything. You don't have to stay here if you don't wanna. I won't think any less of you and Sirius and Remus won't even know." James pulled on his pajama bottoms. He could see how tight the muscles were in Regulus's back and he suddenly felt guilty for not just telling the boy to change in the bathroom in the first place. He didn't want to traumatize or embarrass Regulus.

"No," Regulus said. He did have something to prove. He had to prove to himself that he could fit in here. Prove that Sirius didn't have some great quality he was lacking. Prove to himself he was strong enough for James. He opened his eyes and blinked. "Have you seen my shirt?"

Remus whapped Sirius hard on the shoulder, "you prat. You accioed his shirt over here?" Sirius snorted in response.

James shook his head, "No." He walked over to sit on Peter's bed, right in front of Regulus. "You don't have to prove anything," he said again, this time in a whisper. He knew that Regulus didn't agree with him, he could read it in every knot in the boys back. "You're wonderful as just you."

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus's neck, "I meant to accio his shirt over here. If somebody doesn't do something to help those two out, they'll dance around their feelings forever."

Regulus gulped and managed a weak laugh. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter now. I'm half changed as is, and my shirt seems to have vanished. Would you mind helping me look?"

James smiled, "You don't need it. Change your pants and lay down, I'll be right back."

Curious and slightly embarrassed, Regulus did as he was told. He waited until James had turned his back before quickly changing into the silken green bottoms and climbing under the scarlet blanket.

James pulled a bottle out of his trunk and walked back over to where Regulus was lying. "Role over," he commanded, smiling when Regulus obeyed with only a questioning glance. James sat down, straddling Regulus's lower legs. He pulled a bit of the vanilla smelling oil onto Regulus's back and began to rub it in.

Regulus was confused, and would have protested but found that he was rather enjoying the sensation. Even though it was painful, it felt good too. It was a rather curious feeling. The smell of whatever it was James had smelt good too, and was somehow soothing.

"I can see his knots from here," Remus hissed from where they were still spying behind the curtain.

"I don't think that anyone has ever given him a back message before," Sirius whispered.

James smiled down at the boy, trying to make this the best massage that he'd ever given anyone. True, he didn't give many massages, but he gave them enough to know what he was doing. James let his eyes wander over Regulus's exposed skin, enjoying the sight. The boy was so beautif…James's hands suddenly froze. He stood, and pulled Regulus to his feet. "I need to talk to you," James whispered, dragging the boy into the bathroom and locking the door.

Regulus was beyond confused as James shut the door. The tile was cold against his bare feet. He shivered slightly and looked a James, "Okay…what do you need to talk about?"

James looked at Regulus, then trailed a hand down the boys arm until their hands were clasped. He pulled the arm up and looked down at the tattoo that was resting, harmless seeming, on the skin of the boy's left forearm. The Dark Mark.

Regulus let out a nearly inaudible gasp, and tears welled up in his eyes despite himself. "I can explain," he whispered hoarsely. That wasn't entirely true. How could explain the pressures at home to be everything Sirius wasn't? How could explain that to not be a Death Eater in the Slytherin house was a fate worse then death? There were no words for it…and now James was going to hate him.

'As he should,' Regulus thought bitterly. It wasn't that he wanted to be a Death Eater. In fact, he hated the idea, but Sirius's leaving had left him no choice. He would never tell Sirius that, but the expectation to be a true Black had taken it to that level since his departure.

James didn't know what to do. He wanted to hit the boy in front of him. He wanted to go hit Sirius, because a part of him knew that Sirius shared the blame in Regulus's fate. He wanted to yell, to throw things. He wanted to pull Regulus into his arms and hold him tight. But all he could do was ask, "Is this what you want with your life?"

Regulus was officially crying now, the tears falling freely. He would have been embarrassed, but for some reason the fact that it was James made all the difference. He sobbed, but didn't pull his arm out of James's grasp.

"No, but you have to understand. I didn't have a choice. I don't want to hurt anyone, but she said…she said that if neither of her sons were true then she would kill herself.

I couldn't be responsible for her death! And if you're not…they make fun of you. They fill your bed with snakes, or call you filthy things. They say they'll kill you and everyone you love. I don't want to lose…I couldn't say no."

James wrapped his arms around the boy before him, suddenly very aware of just how young they all were. Despite everything that they had all been through, all the Marauders, Regulus, and every child in this school, they were still just children. And they were still just trying to do what was right with the little control they had in their lives.

"Ssshhh," James whispered, kissing the top of Regulus's head, "I'm so sorry, Cub. So sorry that we didn't do this truce sooner, before you ever had to go through this pain. But…I'll find a way to help. I don't know how, but I'll find something. I won't let you suffer alone anymore." James wanted to cry out his frustrations too, but he needed to be strong for Regulus.

Regulus leaned his head against James's bare chest, allowing his tears to soak his skin. He sniffled, pulling himself as close to James as possible. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to do this by myself."

James smiled sadly at the boy, "You don't have to deal with this alone. Me, and Sirius, and Remus will help you anyway we can." James squeezed Regulus in a tighter hug, wishing that he could take away all of the pain. Wishing that he could give Regulus back his childhood, the childhood that he never really had.

Regulus remained silent until his tears had subsided, and the awkwardness of the situation fully hit him. He pulled back, suddenly blushing and looking down at his toes. He realized that some of the tiles were yellow, and thought that was really an ugly color for a bathroom.

James smiled at him, "How 'bout we finish your backrub and then get some sleep. I don't think I got all of the knots out of your muscles yet." James knew that Regulus probably needed the massage more than ever now that he had spent the last ten minutes crying. Plus, he really wanted to give it to him, because it would help calm both Regulus and himself down. Giving a massage was nearly as relaxing as getting one.

Regulus nodded following James out. He was now subconscious about his arm. What if Sirius saw it? What would he say? He wished for his shirt, at the same time glad he didn't have it because the backrub was really very nice. He lay back down, closing his eyes and beginning to picture what he would draw for James, and many other pictures involving his new found friend and confidant. "Hey, Jay-Jay? Do you think if things had been different, you and I could have been friends sooner?"

James smiled, wondering how such an innocent boy could have ever fallen into the mess he was in…scratch that. He didn't wonder, because he knew the answer. He just wished he could have stopped it.

James took up his previous position of straddling Regulus's legs and began to massage the boys back again, "I know we would have. But that doesn't much matter, because we're friends now."

Regulus relaxed slowly at James's touch, his blue eyes fluttering closed. "Thanks," he whispered sleepily, "for everything. Really."

James smiled, "Don't fall asleep, yet. I'll get you one of my shirts to sleep in. Don't want your brother finding things out the way that I did." James jumped up and ran to his trunk to grab a shirt. He walked back over and handed it to Regulus, "Goodnight, Cub."

Regulus gratefully took the shirt and slid it over his head. "Thanks, Jay-Jay. Good night."

James leaned over and gave Regulus a quick kiss on the cheek. He headed to his bed and lay down, but he couldn't sleep. There was too much on his mind. What was he, gay? Bi? What did he really feel for Regulus? Did he still feel attracted to the boy, knowing that Regulus was a Death Eater? Did he still want to pursue a relationship with someone who might have to hurt people that James loved? James moaned in frustration and buried his head in his hands, letting tears flow unchecked. He didn't have to be strong for anyone while alone in his bed…he could let his feeling out as he felt them.

James pulled his pillow to his chest, wishing that he could ignore all this. Wishing that he didn't have to deal with the confusion. A part of his was angry that Regulus jumped into his life, took away all the things he thought he knew about himself, and then allowed James to discover that he was a Death Eater. A part of him was mad at himself for allowing himself to fall for the boy. A part of him was even a bit disgusted with himself for thinking like he was about another boy. He wasn't prejudice, obviously, he just didn't want to have all this confusion. He hated not knowing who he was anymore.

Regulus lay curled up on his side, listening to the soft noises of the room. What did he do now? The fact that James might stop caring about him had nearly killed him in those few terrible moments. Obviously his feelings for James ran deeper then they should after just two days.

It was just that, people didn't care for Regulus. They cared for what he was surely, but not who. Everyone, even Andromeda, had sometimes forgotten that he had feelings too. James knew though, and cared.

'Still?' Regulus wondered to the silence, closing his eyes. 'Do I even have a chance now? I've never felt like this about anyone before. If he can't love me I don't…I don't know if I could stand it.'

James heaved a trembling sigh, wishing that he could understand what he wanted, what he was. James had always, before, known exactly who he was and where he stood in life. James punched the pillow. Why did he have to feel like this? Why couldn't he just figure out what it was that he wanted? James closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep, to just forget everything and let dreams take him. Why wouldn't sleep come so he could have a few hours of peace? He just wanted to dream of a place where the one you fancied was kind and uncomplicated and fancied you back…and where it didn't matter so much if that person was male or female. He just wanted to dream of the life that he'd never live, because in this world, things weren't simple. Ever.

Regulus heard James shift, and wondered what he was thinking about. Was he wondering about how things had spiraled out of control so fast? Or was he thinking about Evans? Regulus had no way of knowing. With a resigned sigh, he allowed himself to drift to sleep.

James pulled himself out of bed and walked quietly to where Regulus lay sleeping. He pulled the curtains open slightly and looked down at the boy. James slipped inside and knelt beside the bed, wishing that things were different. Wishing his feelings away. Wishing that Regulus would feel the same. Wishing that now covered mark on the boys left on had never corrupted that perfect skin. Wishing that life was simple. James placed a small kiss on the boys forehead and returned to bed, finally drifting to sleep.

When Regulus woke up the next morning, Remus was already moving about the room getting dressed. Regulus's own clothes lay neatly folded at his feet. Regulus sat up slowly and watched the other boy curiously. If he hadn't been his brother's boyfriend, Regulus would never have guessed Remus was gay. There was no outward sign that Remus would fancy boys at all. So how had Sirius known to let Remus know he liked him?

"Good morning," Regulus said tentatively.

Remus smiled over at Regulus, "Morning. It's odd to see someone else up so early. James, Pete, and Siri always sleep in a while when they can." Remus stepped into the bathroom to change, not wanting Regulus to see the scars that monthly transformations gave him. When he walked back into the room, Regulus had changed as well. "Sleep well?"

"Fairly," Regulus lied easily. He wasn't going to admit what had happened to Remus. He hated that James knew, and there was no way he would let Sirius find out.. "You?"

Remus smiled, "Always…at least now." Remus glanced at the bed where his lover was still curled up in sleep. "Any progress with James after we nodded off?"

"Not really," Regulus said with a shrug. "I got a massage. It was nice, but that was it."

Remus smiled, wondering why it was that Regulus would deny his feelings to his brother, hide them from James, and yet spill them easily to Remus. Most people were like this with the werewolf. They just trusted him not to tell, or laugh, or do anything else equally embarrassing. "A massage is progress. I don't think he's ever given one to any of us…and I'm known to have horrid backaches." Remus purposefully pouted slightly.

Regulus smiled faintly; half wishing he hadn't said anything. But then, Remus had already seemed to know. He looked over at where James was still sleeping. "Can I ask you something…if you promise not to laugh."

Remus smiled his most sincere-you-can-trust-me-with-anything smile, and said, "Ask away. And I'm dating Sirius, there is nothing that you can say that would make me laugh at you after dealing with his quirkiness for so long."

Regulus sighed before rushing ahead, "How do you know when it's the right time to tell someone you like them? I mean, Sirius is gay. I've always known that, probably before he did. But you…you can't tell. How did Sirius know it was okay to tell you?"

Remus sat down on the end of the bed Regulus was using, "I don't think he did know. He's always been a bit spontaneous and one day he had had enough of dancing around each other. He just walked over to where I was reading, sat on my lap, and kissed me," Remus laughed a little, "He said that he figured that if I wasn't, I would push him away and he would know for sure."

Regulus sighed, rolling his eyes at his brother's past behavior. "Typical Sirius." That didn't, however, help him very much. Even if he'd known James for longer than two days he would never kiss someone until he was absolutely sure they wouldn't hate him for it.

Remus smiled, "Wondering how you can tell if James fancies you?" He already knew the answer, but if Regulus didn't want to talk about things so directly, then Remus wouldn't push him. If pushed, he knew the younger Black boy would back out and refuse to talk about it again, and that would get them nowhere. Regulus really wasn't all that different from Sirius.

Regulus froze momentarily, but nodded. "I thought maybe he did…but then something happened that makes me not so sure. I mean, how can you know? And, well, what if he doesn't know? 'Cause I'm not really sure. It's only been a few days…it's just to fast."

Remus frowned, "What happened to make you not sure of his feelings?" He knew that he probably shouldn't ask, but…they had been doing so well when he and Sirius finally fell asleep. James had been massaging Regulus's naked back, how could that go wrong?

"I don't want to talk about it," Regulus said, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Just something stupid, and now I don't know exactly how it has changed things because I don't know how they were in the first place. I just know they're changed now."

Remus's frown deepened as he thought. James had been massaging Regulus's naked back, and then something went wrong. It could have been a million things, but one made more sense than the rest, "Did you talk to him about whatever went wrong?" Please let him, just this once, be wrong about something. Because he wasn't sure what James's feelings would be now if Remus was right.

"We kind of talked about it, and he seemed okay with it at the time…but what if he's changed his mind about it?" For the first time since then, Regulus felt like he was going to be sick. If James changed his mind, he would tell Sirius. He did not want to think about what would happen if Sirius found out.

Remus nodded, "If James isn't okay with whatever it was, you'll know as soon as he wakes up. James can't hide his emotions very well, and there's one way you can always know if he's upset with you. When he first wakes up, talk to him. If he doesn't talk back, it means he's upset and afraid to snap. If he talks back, then things aren't as bad as you fear." 'Please let James know how to deal with this,' Remus thought sadly, 'because I don't have a clue.'

Regulus nodded mutely, being not entirely sure he wanted James to wake up because once he did there would be no denying the problem. He flopped back on the bed, feeling defeated. "How long is Christmas break again?"

Remus laughed, "Don't worry, James fan…"

"What about me?" James asked sleepily, climbing fully dressed from behind his bed curtains.

Regulus jumped and sat up. He said the first thing that he could think of. "Hi! Sleep well?"

James blinked slightly, "You are one of those evil, early risers, aren't you?" James was not a morning person.

Regulus blinked. "Sometimes. I can sense when someone else is up. If someone else is up, then I get up. It's something I can't help." Regulus offered a weak grin. James had talked to him, at least, but had it been a fluke?

James sighed and walked over to the bed Regulus and Remus were sitting on. He sat. Then, feeling uncomfortable sitting, lay his head down in Regulus's lap and his feet on Remus's lap. He hated mornings. He would wake, pull on his cloths, and stumble out of bed without ever even realizing he was awake. "I hate mornings. Why do we have them anyway?" James didn't make much sense in the mornings either.

Regulus stared at Remus with wide eyes. Was he supposed to take it that James having his head in his lap was a good thing? Not that he was complaining, but if it were a bad thing it was an odd bad thing.

Remus smiled encouragingly at Regulus, "We have mornings so that I can finally get some reading in before Sirius wakes to distract me…though reading doesn't seem likely this morning."

James mumbled unintelligently and nuzzled against Regulus's leg. "I hate mornings," he said again, "We should Avada Kedavra whoever invented them."

"I don't think we're allowed to," Regulus said a bit unnecessarily. The way James was moving his head tickled, and he had to try not to laugh. Feeling more relaxed now; he leaned back against the pillows, and absentmindedly began playing with James's hair.

"Like that," James smiled and turned into the caress.

Remus smiled, then pulled James's feet off his lap and laid them on the bed. He winked at Regulus, and then walked inside the curtains that surrounded his and Sirius's bed. Seeing Regulus and James reminded Remus of how he and Sirius were before they got together, and right now he just wanted to cuddle up to his mate and enjoy the warmth of Sirius's body as he slept.

Regulus smiled, though more at James then at Remus. James had soft hair. You wouldn't think it looking at it, but it was. Soft like down feathers, Regulus thought to himself. He continued his gentle stroking, enjoying running his fingers through the soft black strands as James seemed to be receiving it.

James opened his eyes and looked up at Regulus, then let his gaze travel across the boys shoulder and down his left arm. He shouldn't be here, letting Regulus do this to him. He shouldn't be enjoying it. He should get up and walk away from this, walk away from Regulus. He should…James swallowed. He didn't know what he should do…but nothing that he _should_ do seemed to go with what he _wanted_ to do.

Regulus pretended not to notice what James had been doing because he really didn't want to see. He did not want to think about what James was. He wanted badly to pretend that it wasn't there. Wanted to pretend that he hadn't given into everything and not been so afraid.

No, he would just keep playing with James's hair. Stroking softly and persistently, he would show James that he was still human. Show him he was still the same person he had been when they decided to become friends. The Mark changed the decisions he would have to make, but it didn't change him as a person.

James looked up at Regulus again, and all the thoughts of last night came back. He was suddenly, very awake. This was wrong. Letting Regulus do things like this when James was still so uncertain was wrong and unfair to the Slytherin. It had to stop. "Let's go have breakfast," James whispered. He wanted to cry again, from frustration and confusion and just the unfairness of life. But daylight forbid tears, and James wasn't strong enough to break that rule…the only rule that he had ever set for himself.

Regulus sighed deeply. Was it so irreversible? It wasn't fair to lose something he hadn't had in the first place. He nodded slowly to James, looking away so he wouldn't see the tears that were building up in his eyes at how unjust it all was. He didn't even _want_ to be a Death Eater. He just wanted to be a normal kid, with a normal family, with people that loved him. He didn't ask for any of this.

Though Regulus tried to hide them, James saw the tears and the sight made his heart break. James sat up, his mind having a fast and furious debate. When Regulus moved to get up, James pulled him back down, right into his lap. He pressed his lips softly against Regulus's, and just preyed that the boy would okay. He wanted, more than anything, to take away Regulus's pain. And sometimes getting what you wanted meant doing what you wanted and just not thinking about it.

Regulus was taken completely off guard, and at first just froze. Then he loosened up, and began to kiss James back. He tasted good. Tasted like cinnamon and pumpkin juice. It was an intoxicating taste.

Remus, who had been watching through a crack in the curtains gently, shook his lover awake. "Padfoot, you're going to want to see this."

Sirius opened his eyes blurrily and glared up at Remus, then looked over to where his mate was pointing. The sight made his tense, and then as his memories caught up with him, he smiled. "I guess yelling 'About time' would ruin the moment, wouldn't it?" Sirius whispered, watching as his best friend pulled his brother closer.

James had to focus very hard not to moan when he felt Regulus begin to return his kiss. As it was, his hands wrapped themselves around the boy's waist of their own accord. James lightly licked Regulus's lower lip, wordlessly asking the Slytherin to deepen the already perfect contact. His mind was yelling something at him in the background, but right now James was content to ignore it.

"Yes," Remus said, grinning, "it would."

Regulus opened his mouth obligingly. 'Why haven't I done this before?' Regulus wondered. This whole kissing thing was really very pleasant. One of his hands found its way back up into James's hair again, wishing suddenly that there wasn't so much space between them. Even a little space was just too much.

James pulled back, "Can we have breakfast now?" He smiled and placed his forehead against Regulus's, not really wanting to move from this spot. But his stomach was grumbling and they really should talk about things before they did anymore kissing.

Sirius burst out laughing, albeit quietly. "He really knows how to ruin the moment too, doesn't he? We should tutor him on being more romantic."

Remus snorted, more then a little amused by the half pleading half exasperated look on Regulus's face, "I'm sure he had his reasons."

Regulus shook his head slightly to try and clear the pleasure fog that had overcome him. "Yeah…okay. Breakfast probably is a good idea, right now."

James smiled at the look on Regulus's face, glad to know how much the boy wanted this. "I can think of better ideas right now, but my stomach is protesting. And we should talk first." James leaned in and kissed Regulus again, this time quickly, to let the boy know that the talking wasn't a bad thing.

Sirius frowned and whispered furiously, "Skip the talking and just enjoy yourself for once, you git! Why can't he ever just let a good thing happen?"

Remus shrugged and smiled. "Despite popular belief, you and James are not the same person. James does think about important decisions for a long time before rushing ahead."

Regulus blushed and nodded, getting to his feet beside James. "After you…I'm too lost to find my way to the Great Hall from here."

James smiled, then reached down and took the Slytherins hand. There was hardly anyone still here during the holidays, so James didn't have to worry about someone seeing them holding hands before they could talk about whether or not to make their feelings public knowledge. "Follow me, kid, and I won't lead you wrong."

Regulus grinned wickedly, allowing his slightly Slytherin side to show, "And here I was hoping that was exactly what you were going to do."

Remus choked from behind the curtains.

James blushed lightly, "Maybe later." With that he let the way out of the room and down to breakfast.

Sirius growled, "He better not mean that. I can live with him going out with my brother, but I will not allow him to corrupt him."

"It seems to me," Remus said in a barely audible voice, "that he is already corrupted."

Regulus loved that he had made James blush. Something about having the power to do that thrilled him, and besides James was rather adorable when he did that. He gave James's hand a gentle squeeze to let him know it was all in good fun as they continued down to the Great Hall.

"Better not be corrupted," Sirius growled, "Or I'll have to kill all the Slytherins." He chose to ignore the fact that he wouldn't have cared less day before yesterday.

James pulled Regulus into a seat next to him at the Gryffindor table. He pulled food on his plate at random, his eyes on the younger Black boy. "So…I guess the most pressing question is will you be my boyfriend?"

Remus chose not to comment, instead kissing Sirius gently behind the ear. "Come on. Let's join them for breakfast. They need chaperones for the time being."

Regulus blushed a little. When James put it that way it sounded awkward. Still, he nodded enthusiastically. "If that's what you would really like…yes."

James smiled; he really wanted to kiss Regulus again. "I'd really like that." The smile faded, "You know, if this is a public relationship things are going to get difficult for you."

Sirius stood up and began to strip, letting Moony grab some clean cloths for him.

Remus handed Sirius a puppy dog sweater and a pair of jeans. "Come on, then."

Regulus sighed. That thought had occurred to him in the middle of the night when he'd woken up from a nightmare where Bellatrix was chasing him with a pitchfork. He threw back his shoulders and lifted his chin. "I don't care. It's worth it. Besides, it's not like it will be that much easier for you."

James smiled sadly, "It will be easier for me. There are certain people that you know," James discreetly touched Regulus's left forearm, "that would be very unhappy to hear about our relationship."

Sirius smiled at his boyfriend, before kissing him deeply. A few minutes passed before they left the tower and headed to breakfast.


	5. Problems

Regulus winced slightly at the slight touch. "I know. I'm not afraid, though." He sincerely hoped he sounded more convincing then he felt. He didn't want to die, but he felt for some reason that this was worth it.

"There they are," Regulus said, pointing them out as he and Sirius walked in.

James smiled, "I don't mind keeping this secret if you need. I want to tell everyone, but I'd rather have you safe than have everyone know how I feel about you." James couldn't resist anymore, he leaned over and kissed Regulus's cheek.

"Hey," Sirius smiled as he sat down.

James ignored him, "Just think about it, okay?" He squeezed Regulus's hand before dropping it so that he could start and eat. He received a thankful growl from his stomach.

Regulus smiled a bit to himself, thankful that James understood. He hated hiding, but then again he was sure that being a secret would be more enjoyable then necromancy- particularly when you were the corpse. He smiled at Remus as he grabbed some bacon. He asked his brother without taking his eyes off James, "Have a nice morning?"

Sirius laughed, "Not as nice as yours. Remmie wouldn't stick his tongue down my throat. How did you talk James into it?"

James laughed and kicked Sirius under the table. "Can't say I blame Moony…can't understand why anyone would want to stick their tongue in _your_ mouth."

Regulus inhaled his pumpkin juice and promptly tried to spit it out again. This resulted in a rather odd sensation and a lot of coughing.

"It's more enjoyable then you might think," Remus said serenely as he thumped Regulus on the back, "as long as you mind the teeth."

James laughed, "I'll take your word for it. There's only one Black who will have my tongue in his mouth, and _he_ doesn't bite. At least he hasn't yet." James gave Regulus a seductive smile.

"Watch it, Potter," Sirius growled, "I may be willing to allow you to date my brother, but keep your hands to yourself or I'll cut them off."

Regulus, who by now had started breathing again, sent Sirius what he clearly thought was a challenging look. "Oh, so _now_ you chose to go all big brotherly on me? You have an odd sense of timing."

Sirius opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He made a few more desperate attempts to retort, but finally just ended up muttering, "Better late than never."

James smiled, "Besides, I don't plan to keep my hands, or any other body part, away from Regulus for any long stretch of time. If you feel the need to cut said body parts off, then I will have to castrate your boyfriend. And we both know you wouldn't want that."

Sirius glared at James, but wisely kept his mouth shut.

Regulus's face flushed a brilliant shade of maroon at James's comment. The idea brought him pleasure, but more then that he couldn't believe James had dared say that to his brother.

Remus made a kind of spluttering noise as protest. "Excuse me! Don't I get a say in this?"

"No," James said easily. "Me and Cub have a date this weekend, so I'm not going to be with you at Hogsmeade…if Cub agrees to the date," James turned pleading eyes on his boyfriend. He had decided that it was time to change the subject. And he and Cub still had a lot to discuss, and it didn't seem likely they'd get much alone time with Sirius wanting to reform his relationship with his brother, something that James thought was equally important.

"Of course I do," Regulus said defiantly before Sirius could try and make up his mind for him. He then picked up a piece of toast and put it in his mouth, quite happy at the thought of having James all to himself.

"We," Remus said, kicking Sirius under the table, "can respect that if it will save me from castration."

James laughed, at his friends. Turning his eyes on Regulus, his smile softened. "You are beautiful," he whispered in the boy's ear.

Sirius sighed, "Fine, we'll respect that. But you two had better stop kicking me if you want me to stay cheerful about all of this."

Regulus felt his ears get hot. No one had ever told him that before. He wanted to say something about how wonderful James was, but didn't want it to feel like he was just returning the compliment. He wanted it to be real. He settled on sliding his hand back into James's.

Remus laughed, snaking one arm around Sirius's waist, "Alright, we'll stop kicking you, my poor picked on Padfoot."

Sirius graciously forgave his mate and kissed him deeply.

James smiled, "Feel up for a walk?" He knew that he should stick around and let Regulus and Sirius spend more time together, but he couldn't help the desperate need he suddenly had to be alone with the Slytherin. And so long as he and Regulus were touching, everything felt like it would work out. Instinctively, James knew that the minute he was alone, the confusion and worry would rise again.

Regulus nodded, eager to be with James without his brother's reawakened instincts getting in the way. Quickly stuffing two apples into his pocket and grabbing some toast, he allowed James to pull him out of the Great Hall.

James smiled at Regulus as he led the way outside and towards the lake, "Tell me something about you that I don't know." It wasn't the most pressing of things that needed to be discussed…but James was beyond caring. He just wanted to enjoy this for a minute before reality set back in and he had to ask all those oh so important questions.

Regulus had to think about this for a moment. It wasn't that James knew an especially large amount about him…it was more what he wanted James to know at this stage in the relationship. "Well…I really enjoy muggle football. It's not as exciting as Quidditch, but takes a bit more stamina because you're running around all the time."

James laughed, "Drawing and muggle football, you're just the rebellious one." He kissed Regulus's nose to make sure the boy had no hard feelings. "Not a football fan myself, but I do rather like hockey. Quidditch will always be my sport of choice though." James pulled Regulus close, wrapping both arms around the boy's thin waist, and whispered, "One thing about me…I've never been as happy and comfortable as I was when we were kissing this morning. And I'd like to feel that again." James didn't lean in for a kiss though. This time he wanted the Slytherin to kiss _him_.

Regulus didn't hesitate. He wanted to kiss James again more then James wanted it. It just felt so good.

He shifted his weight so that he was almost on tip toe, James being slightly taller then himself, and pressed his lips firmly against James's own. He could smell the kind of musky sent that clung to the other boy, a scent of soap and clean air from Quidditch playing. He could taste the kind of cinnamon pumpkin taste. He loved it. Loved all of it, and everything that was James.

James smiled into the kiss. Regulus was so…perfect. Gentle, but firm. Warm, and delicious. He tasted of peppermint and rain clouds. James wrapped his arms around Regulus's waist, pulling the boy as close as was humanly possible considering they were still both fully clothed.

Regulus allowed his hands to find their way into James's hair, tangling his thin fingers into the soft black strands and jerking James's head closer. He nibbled gently on James's bottom lip, begging for entrance.

James moaned, gladly opening his mouth for the beautiful boy in his arms. James slid his hand up the back of Regulus's shirt and began to caress the Slytherins silky skin.

"You better let go of my brother," Sirius growled as he and Remus came in sight of the two.

Regulus whirled around, shooting his brother a look that would have killed him if it could. "Excuse me! No one asked you to accompany us. What do we have to do to get some privacy around here?"

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but James beat him to it, "You know, Sirius. You are my best and oldest friend, but if you keep this up I'm gonna have to hurt you." He wrapped his arms around Regulus from behind, pulling the boy's back to his chest and glaring at Sirius.

Sirius smiled, this was fun. Maybe James going out with Regulus wasn't so bad after all.

"We came out here," Remus said in a loud voice, "to give you these. It's freezing out here." He stretched out his arm to reveal the two coats draped over his arm, two pairs of gloves and two hats. "We figured you had both forgotten about the snow."

James smiled, "Actually, we just found a better way to stay warm."

Regulus blushed, feeling quite safe in James's arms like he was. He looked at Sirius, challenging him to say something. Instead, Remus spoke again.

"From personal experience," he said in a rather off-hand voice, "sex in the snow doesn't keep you warm for very long."

Sirius seemed to choke on air at that.

James coughed, "Good to know." And it was. Even if James didn't think that they would have gotten that far. They had only been dating for two hours! James shook his head, wondering how long it had taken Sirius and Remus before they…never mind. Train of thought ends here. He _really_ did not want to know.

Regulus started to laugh as Sirius whirled on Remus.

"Moony! They didn't have to know that!"

Remus shrugged, "I figured they might need to know for future reference. Now, be good little boys and put on your coats or we shall just have to keep chaperoning you."

James burst out laughing, "Yes, mother." But he quickly let go of Regulus and took the offered clothing.

"They better not need to know that anytime soon," Sirius muttered under his breath as Remus started dragging him away.

James turned back to his gorgeous Slytherin and held out the coat, hat, and gloves.

"I'm beginning to think," Regulus said as he took them with a grin, "that having a brother is highly over rated." He dressed quickly, and looked at James. He wanted to tell him that he was perfect, and that he was sure everything would be all right as long as James was there. The words seemed to be made of peanut butter though, as he couldn't seem to get them out. Instead he waited for James to give him some kind of sign as to whether they would be continuing to kiss or start talking again.

James reached up and caressed Regulus's cheek. He pulled the Regulus down to sit beside him beside the lake. "Did you think about it? About whether you want this to be public or not?" James pulled Regulus's hand up and kissed it gently.

Regulus nodded. "I think in a way it'll be easier on us if as few people as possible know. I mean, it will be hard 'cause it means we'd be separated for longer periods of time but…I think it's safer."

James nodded. "Probably true. I really love being with you, I don't want to see you hurt." James then smirked, "But we'll be able to see each other more than you think. I have my ways of sneaking around the school and getting into others dorms or sneaking someone into mine."

Regulus felt something very unpleasant rise in his chest. "Oh, really? Have you done that often?"

"Mostly just snuck into other dorms," James smiled, loving the look of absolute jealousy on Regulus's face. "But that was always to prank someone. Never had any other reason before." He couldn't be too evil. Regulus was too sweet for James to just let him suffer.

Regulus rolled his eyes, but grinned. Except for Evans, James was all his. He felt a great rush of pleasure at that thought, and knew he was blushing. "Good, 'cause Blacks don't share well," he said, smiling still more.

James smiled, then gave Regulus a chaste kiss on the lips, "I don't wanna be shared." He knew that it was a mushy thing to say, but it was true. He liked the feeling of only belonging to the boy in front of him, so long as Regulus would belong to him alone. "You're mine, Cub. I won't share you either."

"I'll have to tell Lucius to cancel Friday then," Regulus teased gently, laying his head on James's shoulder. Really, this was too comfortable to be legal.

James growled playfully, knowing that Regulus was teasing. Praying that the boy was teasing. "You better tell him that if he comes anywhere near you I'll personally cut his cock off and shove it up his own…" James snapped his jaw shut, maybe that was going a little too far with the jealousy thing.

Regulus laughed, nuzzling his face into the space where James's neck became his shoulder. "Lucius likes Cissy. He wouldn't think of touching me…though probably more out of fear of what Cissy would do then you."

Wrapping his arms around the Slytherin, James laughed, "Good to know. No one else down in those dungeons that I'll have to kill is there? Male or Female." James kissed the top of Regulus's head, just enjoying being with the boy. Just wanting to stay forever with Regulus lying in his arms and loving him.

Regulus sighed, contentedly. This was far and away the best Christmas he could possibly have imagined. "No, they're content to leave me to my own devices. It really makes my days rather pleasant."

James pulled Regulus's chin up and said with a seductions purr, "I, however, refuse to leave you to your own devices. I'd gladly give you a hand whenever you wanted." He was slightly curious as to whether or not Regulus would understand the innuendo. He just couldn't shake the feeling that this boy was completely innocent, even if he knew it wasn't true.

It was the look on James's face that keyed him into the fact that he was missing something, and he blushed. He hadn't had much exposure to relationship type things, considering he was usually quite asocial. He returned his head back to James's shoulder with a small laugh. "Sirius wouldn't appreciate that. It involves hands."

James laughed, "That went right over your head, didn't it?" James heard footsteps behind them and wondered if Sirius was back. Well, might as well give him a show. James lifted Regulus's chin again and began to kiss him deeply.

"Oh. Sorry," Said a quiet, shocked female voice.

Regulus broke the kiss and looked over. In spite of himself, he grinned wickedly at the girl standing there. "Oh! Hey, Evans!"

Lily was blushing a shade of red that nearly matched her hair. Her brilliant green eyes were now staring at her boots in the snow. "Hi Regulus. Hi Potter. Was I…interrupting something?"

James blushed, this was awkward. What did he say now? 'Yes' was overly rude, 'no' was too dismissive. Finally, he just settled on, "Hey. Umm…listen…we kinda didn't want anybody to know about this yet, so would you mind not mentioning anything to anyone?" That was alright, wasn't it?

Regulus smirked as Lily's blush deepened and she nodded slowly.

"O-okay. Yeah. I won't tell if you don't want me too. Um…is this a new development?"

James nodded, "Yes." What else did one say to their old crush while still holding their boyfriend close after being caught snogging?

"I just," Lily stuttered as Regulus wrapped his arm around James's waist and held him closer, "I always thought you liked girls."

How is someone supposed to answer that! James looked down at Regulus, and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. Looking at Regulus made everything seem so much simpler. "So did I," James whispered, looking deep into his boyfriends eyes, "Guess living with Sirius and Remus really rubbed off."

Regulus smiled at James, suddenly feeling warm all over. He didn't want to ever have to look away from those deep hazel eyes.

Lily was obviously uncomfortable now. "Well…um…I guess I'll be seeing you around then?"

James just nodded, before leaning back in and capturing his Slytherin's lips in another kiss. He pulled back just slightly, so that when he spoke, Regulus could feel James's lips moving over his, "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"

Regulus smiled as he listened to Lily's fading footsteps, "Just a bit. I can still remember Sirius telling me during your first year how badly you wanted her to like you. I can't help but enjoy just a little the fact that she knows what she could have had and lost. That's my Slytherin side coming out, I'm afraid."

James smiled, "I like your Slytherin side. Lets me know just how much you fancy me." Which was completely honest, he liked that Regulus was a Slytherin and so very different from all the people that James had ever surrounded himself with. He was so very different from James himself. "My demented little Slytherin."

Regulus grinned wickedly and hoped that James wasn't expecting him to spout poetry of how much he loved him. Regulus was not a person who was very good with words- particularly when it came to how he felt. Instead, he firmly placed his mouth over James's again. This kissing business was so much fun.

James immediately gave himself in to the kiss, loving everything about it. Regulus really was adorable, and perfect. James let his hands wander into his Slytherin's jacket and up the boy's shirt, moaning at the feel of skin on skin. He laid down slowly, pulling Regulus down on top of him.

Regulus like this considerably more than kissing alone. Pleasure was shooting from his lips to his fingertips, and the feeling of James's hand was pleasant. He ran his tongue along James's bottom lip, pleading for reentrance into the other boy's warm mouth.

Opening his mouth, James moaned. He pushed his hand lower, into Regulus's pants to gently cup the boy's arse. He didn't know how far Regulus was comfortable going, but he was having a hard time keeping his hands from wandering all over the perfect body on top of his. He pulled the Slytherin closer.

Regulus gasped and let out a small moan into James's mouth. That felt good, and he really wanted to return the favor. He allowed his tongue to wander James's mouth, memorizing every part of it, and slipping his hand up James's shirt. He could feel James breathing underneath him, the contrast between his cold skin and the warmth under James's shirt. Both sensations thrilled him.

James arched his back, desperate for more contact. This was Heaven. If he had known that kissing a boy could feel so good, he would have declared himself gay ages ago! James pulled away from Regulus's mouth and began kissing across the boy's jaw and down his neck, where he lightly nibbled, sucked, and licked. He knew that his ministrations would leave a mark, but that was part of what thrilled him. Knowing that he was marking Regulus as his own.

Regulus moaned deeply. Why hadn't anyone done this before? His head was swimming from the pleasurable sensations, and he desperately wanted more contact. He slid a hand under James's back and pushed their bodies almost painfully close together.

A deep moan escaped James. He pulled away from Regulus's neck, gasping for breath. He arched his back, and rolled his hips, grinding them against Regulus's. This was going too fast, he was sure. But he just wasn't sure if he really cared at this point.

Regulus moaned again. That. Felt. Good. A part of his mind, however, told him that if he returned the favor it would go places he wasn't ready to go just yet. Not until he was sure this relationship was going to last. He put his face close to James's ear and whispered softly, "you're going to catch cold down in the snow, my Jay-Jay."

James pulled away slightly, knowing instinctively that this was Regulus's way of stopping things before they went too far. "Guess Moony was right about sex in the snow," James smiled. He pulled his hand out of Regulus's pants and brushed the hair out of the boy's eyes. "You are so damn sexy right now."

Regulus laughed softly, looking down at James's flushed face and glowing eyes. He loved that face. "Thanks." He kissed James on the nose. "Come on, let's get some hot cocoa. It's freezing out here."

James allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Without Regulus's weight on top of him, he finally realized just how cold it really was. He glanced over at the boy, smiling when he saw the bright red hickey on Regulus's neck, "Sirius is going to kill me."

Regulus touched the spot James was looking at, realizing for the first time just how sore it was. "Nah, I won't let him. He's just going to have to live with this."

"Protecting me now, are you?" James laughed, though he loved the idea of it. "You're mine now, and this proves it," James traced a finger lightly over the mark, loving that it was there. Wishing that this mark would counter act with the one hidden beneath all these cloths. Wishing that he had marked the boy first, and hating that he hadn't.

Regulus smiled and slid his hand shyly into James's own. He rested his head on James's shoulder. "Everything will be alright," he said as if reading James's thoughts, or perhaps just countering his own, "you'll see. Somehow we're going to make this work."

"I know," James whispered, pulling Regulus into a gentle hug, "because I refuse to give you up. Now that I know just how perfect you are, I would fight to the death to keep you in my life."

Regulus felt his face warm again, and smiled. Standing here, his hand in James's, he believed that the two of them could single handedly handle the Dark Lord himself. He sighed contentedly. "I hated you when we first met, did you know that? You had changed Sirius, and I hated you for it. I can't understand why now."

James laughed, "Glad to hear that. I would hate to know that you still hated me." James's expression cleared of laughter, "I hated you too. For all the pain that Sirius had ever went through. I just…never imagined that maybe you had experienced that pain as well."

Regulus was silent for a moment. He took a shuddering breath before continuing. "It was a different kind of pain. When we were young, Sirius was spoiled silly. He had everything he could possibly want. Every toy, every sweet, everything. Nothing was too good for him because he was the heir apparent of the Black clan. Then Grandfather died, and suddenly life got hard for him. He was supposed to study and act like a true Black because he was suddenly next in line for the fortune. He resented it, but didn't act until after he came here.

"Me…I wasn't anything. I was unwanted and unloved because I was an extra. A mouth to feed with now value. They wanted to drown me when I was born, did you know that?"

James closed his eyes, because he didn't want the boy to misinterpret the look of hatred that he knew was in them. Taking a breath, he whispered, "I want you, and I love you." He was going to say more, but realization of that confession suddenly hit him and he had to open his eyes again to see how Regulus took it.

Regulus's eyes opened wide, and he looked up at James. "Really?" His voice sounded weak and too hopeful. 'Please, God, let this be real. Please, let someone finally want me'. "Because I…I love you too."

James was suddenly smiling with everything he had in him. He lifted Regulus up and spun him around in a circle, before putting him back down and kissing him furiously. When they finally broke apart, James said in a breathless voice, "I love you so much that I feel like my heart is going to explode!"

Regulus laughed, having enjoyed the sensation of being spun like that. It was like some scene out of one of those cheesy muggle movies Sirius had once dragged him to before things spun entirely out of control. Once again, at a loss for words, he kissed James and hoped that his lips would somehow convey the words lodged his throat. Hoping that James would understand all those things he wanted to say but had no words for.

And James did understand. Regulus wasn't one for speaking his emotions out loud, but that didn't mean that they weren't just as obvious to anyone who cared to look. "What about that hot coco?" James whispered when they parted. This boy was simply too delicious for his own good, and if he kept kissing James like that they'd end up back in the snow.

Regulus laughed softly from where he was now held tightly to James's chest. Personally, he wanted to just stay like this forever, but knew that they would shortly freeze to death if they did. "Can we get some with marshmallows in it?"

Laughing, James just nodded. He started toward the castle, keeping one arm draped around his boyfriend's waist. "I wouldn't deny you anything you wanted, love."

Regulus was sure his face was glowing in the steadily dimming sunlight. Thick black clouds were gathering overhead as the temperature started to drop. They were in for one heck of a snowstorm if this was any indication. Regulus shivered. "Let's hurry. It's freezing out here!"

James ran along behind the boy, laughing all the way up to the castle. He grabbed Regulus's hand and led the way, a lot slower, toward the kitchens. Reaching the picture of the bowl of fruit, James absentmindedly reached up and tickled the pear.

Regulus wondered which of the founders had been crazy enough to decide that tickling a pear would get you into the kitchens. He decided on Godric Gryffindor as he followed James inside. As much as he loved James, Gryffindors were crazy.

He looked at the sea of house elves suddenly looking at him, and offered them a smile. His heart froze when he recognized one of them. "K-Kreacher! What are you doing here?"

"Mistress sent me to keep an eye on the Little Master," the house elf said wickedly. "Sent Kreacher to Hogwarts kitchens for the holiday. Going to give a nice long report when I get back, oh yes."

Regulus visibly paled.

James stood still, too afraid to move. Finally he pulled out his wand, pointed it at the elf, and yelled, "Petrificus Totalus!" He grabbed up the small creature, grabbed Regulus's hand and ran all the way back to Gryffindor Tower. Throwing open the doors to the dorm, he yelled out, "SIRIUS! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"


	6. Temporary Solutions

**A/N:** There is a lemon in this chapter. But don't skip the chapter, as the lemon is at the very bottom and many important things happen here.The lemonis marked so you can skip it if you wish, the plot line is still understandable if the lemon is skipped. The lemon does, however, point out the change and growing relationship of the boys…so it's not just in there to be there. There is a point to it.

* * *

Remus and Sirius, whatever they had previously been doing, both jumped to their feet as James burst in.

"What in the name of Merlin…" Sirius stopped mid-thought. "Is that…is that Kreacher?"

Remus put a steadying arm around Regulus, who was swaying on his feet and looked as though he was about to pass out at any moment as he was visibly trembling, and led the young Slytherin to the bed before forcing him to sit down. "James, what happened?"

James took a calming breath, throwing the house-elf to Sirius; half hoping his friend would kill it. "We went to the kitchen to get some coco. Kreacher was there and said that Mrs. Black had sent him to keep an eye on Regulus. He knows about us."

Sirius took a deep breath, "Okay, this stinks, but it's not the end of the world. Worst case scenario, Mother kicks Regulus out and he comes and lives with us for a while."

James looked Sirius in the eyes, "He's got the Mark, Sirius. Worst case scenario ends with one or both of us dead."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off as Regulus began to openly sob.

"Sirius I'm so sorry! She said she'd kill herself if I didn't and I…I…" Regulus was sobbing so hard now that Remus was afraid he was going to be sick. He accioed over a wastebasket, just in case, and looked pleadingly at Sirius to do _something_.

Sirius stood, frozen with shock. Finally he looked over at James and whispered, "How long have you known?"

"Sense last night," James said quietly, "I was going to tell you, but then…" He looked over at Regulus. "He doesn't want it, Sirius. I would never have started anything with him if this was something that he _wanted_."

Regulus began heaving into the wastebasket, sobbing still as he did so. Remus let out a yelp.

"Sirius! Help him!"

Sirius watched numbly as James ran over threw his wand down on his dresser and ran over and began to rub his boyfriend's back, whispering that it was all right. Whispering that he loved him. _That_ woke Sirius up. If James really did love Regulus, then Regulus was innocent in this. James wouldn't love someone who was evil. Sirius walked over and knelt in front of his brother, "It's okay. Well…no it's not, but we'll figure this out. You're my brother, I'm not going to lose you again."

Regulus simply sobbed, leaning heavily against James and retching every so often, though there was nothing left for him to throw up.

Remus felt bad for the kid. This was a lot of emotional trauma for only two days. Falling in love, gaining a brother, and almost losing both for something that wasn't your fault…Remus could relate. He'd gone through something similar when his friends had discovered he was a werewolf. He stroked Regulus's free hand gently in his.

"What do we do, Padfoot?"

Sirius sighed, wishing that he knew. "I wish I could kill the little beast," he whispered. Then shook his head. "Memory charm I suppose. Let him remember that I did it. Mother will think that he had discovered something on me, and I got even. She'll never think that I did anything to help Regulus, not after the last few years."

James nodded, hoping that the plan would work. He kissed Regulus's hair, "Don't worry, Cub, we won't let anything hurt you. I love you."

"She's going to find out," Regulus half sobbed, half moaned. "She…she'll know. She'll tell Bella and…" The sixteen-year-old resumed crying, clinging to James for comfort.

"Better make it a strong one," Remus said, standing up and rolling up his sleeves. "We don't want to risk her breaking it."

Sirius nodded. "James, take Regulus into the bathroom and stay there until we call."

James quickly lifted Regulus up, bridal style, and carried him into the bathroom. He stood the boy up, looking him over. Outside the door, he heard a memory charm being cast, and then Sirius's thundering voice as he yelled at the house elf. James sighed, Regulus was in shock, and that wasn't good. He quickly pulled off the boy's clothes, all but his boxers, followed by his own. He turned on a cold shower and pulled the Slytherin inside, hoping that the water would pull Regulus out of his depressive state.

Regulus shivered as the cold water hit his skin. He sucked in a breath. His head was swimming, and he felt very weak. It was all he could do to keep from falling on his knees right there. He leaned heavily against the wall of the shower, focusing on breathing.

James stepped closer to the boy, wrapping his arms around him. He was desperately wishing that he knew something about healing, but James had never been interested enough to study it. "Don't worry. Sirius will take care of Kreacher. Sirius knows that it's not your fault you got the mark. We love you. We won't let anything hurt you." James ran his hands up and down Regulus's back, lightly offering what comfort he could.

Regulus leaned into James's embrace, still shaking, but he could slowly feel himself returning to earth. "What if he already told her?" He whispered hoarsely. "What if we were to late?"

"We're not," James said so confidently that he almost believed it himself. "We're in time. Kreacher said that he would have a lot to tell her. Not that he'd told her a lot. She doesn't know and won't know." Now that the boy seemed to be over the majority of his shock, James turned the water warmer. He had already been freezing after lying in the snow, and now he felt like his very bones were made of ice. It was a petty thing to be thinking about, but it was easier to stand than all the 'what if's.

Regulus made a soft whimpering noise, forcing himself to calm down and take deep breaths. He had to breath. He had to breath and he had to think. James was right. Kreacher would wait until the end of the break before telling her so that he could report everything Regulus had done wrong, not just some of it. That was just the kind of house elf Kreacher was.

Regulus closed his eyes again and felt his knees give out. He was suddenly to exhausted to even stand anymore. Vaguely, he hoped James would catch him.

James pulled Regulus close, supporting the boy for a second before sitting them both down on the shower floor. He pulled Regulus into his lap. There was nothing more that could be said, so James leaned forward and began to gently kiss the Slytherin. Maybe distraction would be best?

Regulus allowed James to kiss him, to tired to respond. He wasn't even sure he was entirely conscious. All he could do was sit on James's lap with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths. He felt himself slowly slipping into unconsciousness, and briefly peeked his eyes open.

"I love you," he whispered to James with all the energy he could muster before allowing himself to slip into the blissfully ignorant darkness.

James, hearing Sirius call from the other room, stood up slowly. Again carrying the boy bridal style, he walked out of the shower. He laid Regulus on the floor just long enough to turn off the shower and cast a drying charm on both of them, before picking him back up and carrying him from the room.

"What were you two doing?" Sirius asked. He would have growled, except he knew that they hadn't been doing anything romantic, not with the condition Regulus had been in sense the discovery of Kreacher.

James lay down on his bed, cuddling Regulus to him, "He was in shock. I took his clothes off and we took a cold shower."

Remus walked over, giving the boy a critical look up and down. Having had to doctor many of his own wounds or watching his mother deal with it, he felt he had a pretty good idea of what to look for. On the whole, Regulus appeared to simply be unconscious, perhaps even sleeping. Remus smiled and gently brushed a few stray hands of black hair away from Regulus's face. "Good job, James. You did well to calm him down."

Remus's eyes drifted lower, to the red mark that could be seen faintly burnt into the boy's left forearm. He frowned slightly, "what are we going to do?"

James wrapped Regulus's forearm in his hand, hiding the mark. "I am going to love him," he whispered, "other than that I have no idea."

Sirius walked over, "Kreacher hadn't said anything to Mother yet, and now he won't. If we can just make it until we graduate, we can set up a save haven for him, and…then maybe he'll come live with us and we can protect him. Use the Fidelius charm or something."

Remus sighed, standing up to hug Sirius tightly. "This isn't your fault," he whispered so that only Sirius could hear. He let go of his mate, though he still held his hand tightly, and turned back to James. "The trick is going to remaining a secret. We all know how gabby those at Hogwarts are. It would be so much easier if he were a Gryffindor." Remus frowned again, and he could feel the lines forming around his knit eyebrows. "James…I hate to do this to you but…are you really doing what's best for him?"

James's arms tightened around his boyfriend. He sighed, looking down at Regulus. "No," James whispered, "but I won't leave him. I…I think he needs me. I know I need him. I love him." He turned his eyes to the boys standing over him, pleading that they understand. Pleading that they support him. Pleading that they don't make him give up the most happiness he's ever known.

Remus sighed, sitting on the bed. He could already feel a headache coming on. "James…I'm sure you love him. You'd have to love him to still want to be with him after what you saw last night. But I don't think you appreciate the danger you're placing him by asking that he stay with you. The danger you're putting both of you in.

Voldemort wants to tear the wizarding world apart, and he's doing that here at the school with the house competitions. Whether he likes it or not, Regulus has pledged himself not only as an agent of Voldemort, but a Slytherin. If he starts hanging around with you whenever possible, don't you think they'll notice? No matter how careful you are, someone will notice. You proved that to me first year. He won't tolerate this. Voldemort will see it as treachery. Treachery means death, or sometimes worse. Is this worth it? Is losing him forever worth this much happiness?"

James wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Not in front of Remus and Sirius. Never in front of people. "I…" James took a breath, looking down at the boy in his arms. Could he give Regulus up now? Could he just stop being with him? Don't cry. He hadn't cried in front of anyone sense he was six, he wouldn't do it. "I don't want to lose him," James began, but the moment he opened his mouth to speak the tears began to fall. And once they started, he couldn't stop them. "I…I don't know w-what to d-do anym-more."

Remus stared at James, suddenly feeling very guilty. Never, in the seven years that he'd known him, had Remus seen James cry. Not even when he'd fallen off his broom and broken his arm in two places. Not earlier that year- just after he'd come of age- when he'd heard his parents had both passes away in their sleep. Yet here was now, crying unabashedly. No knowing what else to do, Remus gave his friend a hug and looked pleadingly at Sirius.

Sirius shook his head. He and James had been friend's years before they started school, but he had never known James to cry over anything. He met Remus's eyes, remembering that awkward conversation when Sirius had told James that they were dating. Remembering how James had smiled and said it was about time. Remembering finding out that Remus was a werewolf, and how they had stayed up all night discussing it before confronting Moony. Remembering how James had told them, before they ever stated their opinions, that Remus was his friend no matter what. And now they were trying to take away something that James obviously loved so much? Sirius didn't want to put his brother in any more danger than he was already in, but he wouldn't, couldn't, take away their love. He couldn't separate them.

"We'll figure something else out," Sirius whispered, "They need each other."

Remus gave James one more tight squeeze before getting to his feet. "We need to find some way to keep Kreacher from knowing. Obviously, though we've erased what he did know, he's going to keep doing his job. We can't keep putting memory charms on him, it's too risky. I suppose we could get Gilderoy Lockheart- he's a Hufflepuff- to do one at the end, he's supposed to be good at it, but that won't stop Kreacher from telling in between, and besides he might go insane as a side effect. Your mother would certainly notice that. We can't keep him in the kitchens, either, because that makes it look like Regulus has something to hide." Remus sighed, massaging his temples. There had to be some idea. Something they could do to keep Regulus and James safe over the holidays- never mind the rest of the year.

'At least we'll graduate at the end,' Remus though sourly, 'and Regulus will be safe his last year if lonely.'

"Couldn't we just kill Kreacher and make it look like an accident?" Sirius asked, looking almost hopeful. Remus glared at him and Sirius held up his hands defensively. "Only joking."

Remus rolled his eyes before sitting down and putting his face in his hands. After a moment he mumbled without lifting his head, "I move that we talk to Dumbledore. Maybe he knows a charm that will make Kreacher think he's seeing Regulus in the Slytherin common room doing Slytherin things. He could help us keep him safe." He looked over at James. "Dumbledore is the only one Voldemort fears. If anyone can keep Regulus safe, he can."

James nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was still overly emotional, and utterly embarrassed about crying in front of his friends. It didn't help that tears were still silently leaking down his cheeks. He pulled Regulus even closer to him, kissing the boy's hair.

Sirius smiled at the pair, glad that they were so happy. It was still weird, but Sirius could accept them being together. Especially after seeing how much James loved Regulus…he just hoped that Regulus's feelings ran as deep. "Let's talk about it later; Regulus should be awake to help decide. Besides, James looks like he needs a nap."

Remus smiled. That was not something typically said about James Potter. He shook his head. How could one person change their lives so drastically so fast? It was amazing. It was like having a baby.

Remus laughed out loud at that thought. He knew both James and Sirius were staring at him, but he didn't care. He needed to laugh. He needed to get that weight that had settled in his stomach to go away. They could handle this. They had to handle this. Remus would not lose his friends.

James smiled as Remus and Sirius quietly drew the curtains shut around his bed. The bespectacled boy cuddled against Regulus, loving the feel of their body's pressed together. Hoping that Regulus wouldn't mind waking up later with the two of them cuddled in bed wearing nothing but boxers. But right now, James could just enjoy the feeling of skin touching skin. It wasn't an arousing feeling… okay, it was, but James wasn't really thinking of it that way right now. Right now he was just enjoying the fact that he had someone he loved lying peacefully in his arms. It was with that thought that James drifted off to sleep.

When Regulus awoke sometime later, he was slightly confused. The last thing he could remember with any sort of clarity was finding Kreacher in the kitchens. Then there was a bunch of fuzzy things, one of which involved James telling Sirius he had the Dark Mark.

Regulus shivered, and realized suddenly that he was in nothing but his boxers. Where exactly had his clothes gone? He sat up and looked around, seeing James lying next to him on the bed, similarly clad. He blinked. "Did I get drunk?"

James mumbled something undistinguishable. He nuzzled closer to Regulus, loving the warmth of the other's body. He was still groggy-minded with sleep, but he managed to whisper hoarsely, "Not drunk. Sexy, though."

Regulus smiled, absently reaching up to stroke James's hair. "You're fantastic, but it's not often I end up in my boxers and couldn't remember how, and that was when Severus got me so drunk I couldn't even remember my own name. Woke up in my boxers in the Slytherin Common room. Andromeda informed me that I'd done a rather spectacular version of 'Too Sexy for my Shirt' before passing out."

James grinned, cuddling closer to his boyfriend; "You'll have to re-enact it for me sometime. And tell Snivellus to stay the hell away from my boyfriend."

"Actually," Regulus said in an amused voice, "Andromeda did that for me. I think it was something like: Severus, if you don't stay the hell away from my cousin I'm going kick you in the balls so hard you'll end up in the next century! He's only fifteen, and if you ever get him drunk again I will personally tell his mother."

James snickered lightly, too sleepy to really be over appreciative that Regulus at least had someone else to care about him before James came along. Then a thought occurred to him, "Have you ever had a boyfriend, or girlfriend, before?" Pure bloods did the incest thing a lot, who knows?

Regulus blushed and shook his head. "Bellatrix told me I was unnatural for not wanting to pursue Narcissa, but it was to weird for me. She was my cousin, nearly my sister. It was just wrong somehow. I did have a crush on Lucius when I was young, but I grew out of it. I had kind of resigned myself to the fact that there was no one out there for me."

That got James to open his eyes, "You don't still feel that way, do you? I mean," James swallowed, not wanting to sound completely like a girl, but needing Regulus to reassure him, "You didn't settle for me, or anything, did you?" He was too tired for subtle.

Regulus sat up completely so he could look James in the eyes. "There was no settling. Only hoping that I was good enough for you." He kissed James again, gently but urgently. He had to understand. It was very important for him to know just how much Regulus really loved him.

James returned the kiss gratefully. He never doubted this when Regulus was with him, but his sleeping mind brought out all sorts of demons. Pulling away, James whispered playfully, "No one is good enough for me." With a small pause to let Regulus digest the words, he continued, "But you are way too good for me." So he was a drama queen. He shared a room with Sirius Black, what would you expect?

Regulus blushed and whispered, "how can you think I'm to good for you? Everything I am, everything I've been all my life. You're so good. You're smart, you're talented, you're popular, and you've got friends that love you. That are willing to die for you. You're more then I ever could be."

James shook his head, "No, I'm not. I'm conceited, and selfish, and…" James shook his head. "But you're beautiful, and graceful, and loving, and more than I could have ever dreamed of having. You're so bloody perfect. You're strong, stronger than I could ever be, but so gentle and…just bloody perfect."

Regulus could already tell that arguing the point was futile. Shaking his head, he leaned forward and kissed James again. This time he tried to put all his passion, all his longing to make James understand just how great he was behind this kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, James whispered, "You're also a bloody, brilliant kisser."

Regulus laughed, cuddling up to James's chest. He felt so warm there, and realized how wonderfully their bodies fit together. He sighed contentedly and kissed James's neck. "You're not so bad yourself."

"You keep kissing my neck and we might just end up with a problem," James laughed. He really loved being with Regulus, but he knew that he had to discuss something with the boy. "Remus, earlier, was saying that this might…not be such a good idea. Me and you, I mean. Because it puts you in so much danger, and it might not be worth what happiness we have now." James held his breath, waiting for Regulus's response.

"No," Regulus shouted. He paused to take a breath, a rather shaky one, before continuing, "I won't give this up. I don't care about the Dark Lord, or any of it. I want you. I want this. This love, this moment, this is worth dieing for if nothing else in the world is."

James let out his breath, "Thank you." He had been so afraid that Regulus would agree, would want to drop all of this. James knew that if Regulus had agreed, he would have let the boy go. He would have to. He loved Regulus too much to hold the boy there against his will. "I don't know what I'd do if you decided we weren't worth it."

Regulus swallowed. It took everything he had to force the words out of himself. He hated words, but there is no way out of it. "This is the best thing I've ever had. You're the best thing I ever had. Four days ago I was willing to die for the Dark Lord simply because I had no reason to keep going. I do now, and I'm willing to die for this one chance…my only chance…to really live."

James's breath caught in his throat. "Cub," but he didn't really know what to say. "I love you so much. I won't let you die. I couldn't live without you, not now that I know what it's like to be with you." James pulled the boy close to him, wishing that everything outside his curtain would just disappear and it could be just the two of them, just like this, forever. "Don't ever leave me."

Regulus hugged James close, closing his eyes. "I won't. We'll be together, always. We'll find a way. Somehow. I won't leave."

James smiled, sadly, wishing that was a promise that could be kept. Knowing that only time could tell. James shook his head; he wasn't going to spend his time worrying about that stuff. He would make every minute with Regulus a happy one, and just hope for the best. "We better get up soon, Sirius and Remus are probably freaking out. You were unconscious when they last saw you."

"I was," Regulus blinked. "W-What happened to Kreacher? Did we get that solved…when did we get back to the dorm anyway?" Regulus shook his head. "I feel like someone took a chunk out of my memory."

James smiled fondly at the boy, "Kreacher has had his memory wiped. It's only a temporary solution until we can talk to Dumbledore, though. Sirius knows about your Mark," James muttered, ashamed that he had to tell Regulus's secret. He wanted Regulus to trust him, "But he knows it's not your fault too."

Regulus nodded slowly. He could understand why Sirius would have to know, but he still hated that he did. Hated that there was anything for Sirius to know. "Now you want me to tell Dumbledore, don't you?"

James looked at him, "I don't want you to, and it's just…" James shrugged, "That was the only option we could think of." Then, wanting to keep his promise to himself about making every moment a happy one, he smirked, "You didn't ask how we got into bed together in just our boxers."

Regulus chuckled, snuggling up to James again. He really didn't want to get out of bed now. He didn't think he could bear to see the look of disappointment in Dumbledore's eyes when he told him. "Didn't think that was the important part. I thought the important part was that we were."

James smiled, leaning in to kiss Regulus deeply. This boy was too damn sweet for his own good. They needed to get downstairs. Needed to work things out. But right now, all James cared about was that Regulus had opened his mouth invitingly, and that James was slowly pulling the boy down to lay on top of him. Kissing was a million times better after you had found out that your boyfriend was in love with you. Willing to die to be with you. A million times better.

Something had changed between them, Regulus thought as his hand found their way to James's bare arms and his own bare stomach lay on James's own. He wasn't sure what had changed, but it was a good thing. Somehow, this was better. Deeper and more meaningful. This was something that was going to last. His tongue began to wrestle with James's. He wanted to taste James again. Wanted to simply melt into James until there was no Regulus and only an us.

James moaned, loving the feeling of skin on skin. This time the feeling was definitely an arousing one. And Regulus could probably feel just how much James loved this. James pulled away slightly, panting, "Unless you want this going a lot farther, we better get up and get dressed. Not that I'd complain about it going farther." James looked into Regulus's eyes, smiling lovingly at his boyfriend. At his Cub.

Regulus sighed. He wasn't entirely sure what he wanted. It was so fast, but it felt so good. So very right like nothing in his life had before, but if James had pulled away then maybe he wasn't ready. Gently, he kissed behind James's ear and whispered, "Whatever you want."

James shook his head, "This isn't about just me. If we do anything," James kissed Regulus's cheek, "it will be because we both want it." But really, Regulus didn't expect James to stop touching him, while the boy decided, did he? James ran his hands up and down the Slytherin's back, caressing every inch of skin.

Regulus moaned, hoping beyond hope that Sirius could not hear them, and lay his head one more on James's chest. "Jay-Jay, would I have given you the option if I was against the idea?"

James's heart nearly stopped. Regulus wanted to…Regulus wanted to be with him. James smiled warmly, "Would I have asked, if I was against it?" God, this boy was perfect. So perfect. James pulled Regulus back up for a deep kiss. "I love you," he whispered when they broke apart. "More than anything in this world. More than I ever thought was possible. I love you."

Wanting to respond and still seem sincere, Regulus placed began to kiss James's neck. He had been marked, and now he desperately wanted to mark James as his and his alone. His alone. The very thought thrilled and aroused him as he bit and sucked gently on James's exposed neck.

_**Beginning of Lemon-ness**_

* * *

James moaned, tilting his head back to give Regulus more room to work with. He really wanted Regulus to mark him. To claim him. But that didn't mean he would be submissive the whole time. James pushed Regulus away lightly, flipping them over so that he was on top. He leaned in and kissed the boy's Adam's apple, then moved lower, licking across Regulus's collarbone.

Regulus instinctively arched his back. He had never felt pleasure like that before. He wanted James to keep doing that. To touch him more. He slid his hands along James's back, memorizing every muscle and patch of skin with his fingertips.

James pushed down with his hips, hissing at the pleasure of the action. He really wanted there to be less clothes between them, but he wasn't sure that he could pull away from Regulus long enough to get their boxers off. James moved down the Slytherins chest, kissing and licking and nibbling ever inch of skin.

Regulus groaned with pleasure, a deep noise in the back of his throat. He wanted James to do that thing with his hips again. He could feel the blood beginning to rush to his groin, but couldn't tell if James felt the same. That, he decided, had to change. Using his weight to flip them again, he straddled James's legs and bent forward. He gently placed his mouth over James's left nipple and began playing with it with his tongue. He was going off instinct, and really hoped he was doing something right.

James moaned, arching his back into the touch. Damn that warm mouth was addicting. James grabbed Regulus's hips, grinding lightly against them. He was already hard, and was glad to note that Regulus was faring the same. He opened his mouth, panting, "We…we need…less…clothes."

Regulus agreed. Capturing James's mouth in his again with a searing kiss, Regulus lifted his hips just enough to slide James's boxers off. He would have done the same to his own, but he desperately wanted James to do it. Biting down gently on James's lip, he did a grinding motion with his hips against James's nakedness. This felt too good to be real.

James gasped. He needed Regulus naked, now! James reached down and roughly yanked Regulus's boxers away, then pulling him down to feel the sensation of their arousal pressed together. He reached up and pulled away from Regulus's kiss, and began to lick and nibble the boy's ear. He slowly slid his hand down Regulus's back, to cup his arse and bring their hips closer together.

Regulus made a growling noise deep in his throat that could have competed with anything Sirius could make. This was wonderful…but he needed more. More skin, more touch, more of James. He began to grind against James intensely, needing to feel the friction as they rubbed together.

That felt…so nice. But it wasn't enough. James pulled away for a minute, whispering, "I want you." He wasn't sure whether he meant he wanted to be inside Regulus, or he wanted Regulus inside him. He just knew that he wanted that closeness. He wanted them to be joined together. "I love you."

"Love you…" Regulus panted, licking his way from behind James's ear down to his navel. "So much…" He wanted more, but was at a loss as to what else to do. His father had covered what to do with girls…but boys were a completely new area. He almost wished he'd asked Sirius, but then decided that would have been awkward. He satisfied himself with licking circles around James's belly button.

James couldn't get enough of this, of the feeling of Regulus touching him. He felt it when the boy hesitated, "What's wrong. We can…stop if you…need." James panted, knowing how hard it would be for him to stop, but knowing that he would if Regulus was having second thoughts.

"No…don't stop," Regulus panted again, running his hands along James's stomach and chest. "Just, don't know…what else to do…"

James smiled; loving that Regulus was so innocent in all this. Loving that he had never done anything as much as talk about it before and that James could teach him what to do. James ignored the fact that he had never done more than talking before, "That depends…you want top or bottom?"

Regulus had to wonder why that mattered, decided it really didn't as long as James had the other side, and picked on. "Bottom…I'll take bottom…"

"You do know what bottom means, don't you," James didn't want his lover to pick something out of ignorance and not enjoy this. He really wanted to make Regulus feel good, and he didn't care if that meant him being on top or bottom.

Regulus grinned wickedly. "That you are on top of me, doing something pleasurable to me that I am sure I will enjoy."

James laughed, "It means that my cock would be up your arse. You would enjoy it though. Still want bottom?"

Regulus continued to grin. "As long as it's your cock, I don't care where you stick it. Bottom sounds fine to me."

"Sounds good to me," James laughed. He pondered their situation for a moment, before grabbing his wand off the nightstand and saying "Accio Lubricant." Shortly after, a small bottle flew past their curtains and into James's hand. He smiled up at Regulus, before flipping them over. James began kissing Regulus again, lifting the boy's knees and spreading his legs. "This will hurt a little at first, but…from what I'm told, it gets much better."

Regulus nodded resolutely, once again torn between wishing he had more experience and being glad that James was the first one to do this to him. He was excited and anxious all at once. How did it feel to have another boy's cock inside you? Sirius sure seemed to enjoy it…but Sirius had always been a bit twisted. He looked at James, naked and kneeling on the crimson sheets. His doubt began to slowly melt away. James wouldn't hurt him.

James, feeling Regulus relax, opened the bottle and spread the oily substance on his fingers. He leaned forward, kissing Regulus, as he slowly slipped one finger inside the Slytherin. He moved it around, trying to find Regulus's prostate, but having no idea where to look for it. Just because he had listened to Sirius talk about all this, didn't mean that James actually knew what he was doing. But the feeling of that one finger inside Regulus was almost overwhelming. The boy was tight and hot and James could only imagine what it would be like to be inside him completely.

Regulus gasped, a little bit in shock and a little bit in pain. The feeling of having a finger inside you was not entirely a pleasant one, but pleasing in an odd kind of way because it was James's finger and James who was inside him. The thought filled him with pleasure.

The little gasp that escaped Regulus made James pause out of fear of hurting his lover. When he felt that Regulus was ready, he slipped a second finger inside, gently scissoring them to stretch the boy out. He twisted his hand slightly, and grinned as he saw the look of pleasure on Regulus's face, "That, my Cub, is your prostrate."

Regulus didn't know what to say. He just knew he really wanted James to do that again. Nothing they had done before compared to that, and he could feel himself getting harder again after their momentary lapse of activity.

James moved his fingers again, making sure to hit that spot. He slowly slid in a third finger, moving them around and stretching as best as he could. He didn't know how much more of this he could take; it was like he was teasing himself with just his fingers in Regulus. James leaned forward, kissing the Slytherin deeply, "You think you're ready?" James brushed his left hand across Regulus's cock, moving his fingers to hit the prostrate at the same time.

Regulus moaned with pleasure, thrusting against James's fingers. He needed James inside him, right now. "I won't be…if you don't hurry…"

James laughed, but pulled his fingers out of the Slytherin. "You are gorgeous," he whispers, positioning himself at Regulus's entrance and slowly pushing in. "So…bloody…gorgeous." Talking at this point was rather difficult. James stilled once he was all the way in, letting Regulus get used to the feel of him.

Regulus took deep breaths, getting used to the odd sensation, trying to relax so he wasn't too tight. Once he was used to it, he decided he wanted as much of James in him as possible as it was oddly pleasant. Slowly, he wrapped his legs around James, forcing him deeper. Regulus cried out, but from pain or pleasure even he couldn't tell. A bit of both, he thought.

James moaned, pushing as deep into Regulus as he could go. James didn't honestly think he could last very long, this was his first time and Regulus was just so tight. James slowly pulled out until only his head was left inside the Slytherin, before pushing back in quickly, trying to hit his lovers prostrate. How did Sirius and Remus do this…pay attention to how you're thrusting while you're doing it? It was bloody hard!

Regulus made a noise of pleasure that he couldn't have named if he wanted to. He thrust back onto James. He could not get enough of him. He need more. Needed all of James. His hands reached down to rub himself, feeling like it wasn't getting the attention it needed.

Noticing Regulus's hand, James bats it away and takes the boys cock in his hand. He really was neglecting Regulus, but he didn't mean to. It was just hard concentrating on thrusting, hitting Regulus's prostate, and rubbing Regulus too. But, it was enjoyable. The feeling of sliding in and out of the boy, and the feel of Regulus's hard cock in his hand. James panted, he wouldn't last much longer.

Regulus to was breathing heavily. He wanted this to last forever, but knew it couldn't. He was painfully hard and he felt he was going to pass out if this kept up to much longer. There was almost too much pleasure. He was so close, so close to the edge…

James pushed into Regulus as far as he could, then ground his hips into the boy in a circle motion, pushing hard on Regulus's prostate. He closed his eyes, feeling his world explode and small white lights danced across his vision.

The grinding and the feeling of James releasing inside him pushed Regulus over. He was tingling from head to foot and the world was spinning. For a moment he felt he could touch the moon. Slowly, however fast it felt to him, he began to come back down. He wanted to hold onto that feeling of elation, but it slipped through his fingers like the wind.

Collapsing on top of Regulus, James sighed. That was…perfect. Wonderful. Amazing. James pulled out of his lover and moved over to cuddle beside him. "That was…so much…better…than I ever…imagined." Talking while breathless was difficult. James pulled Regulus close and kissed him lovingly.

Regulus sighed contentedly. "You're brilliant," he whispered, gently kissing James. It began to dawn on him what a stick mess they'd made, but for some reason he was proud of it. He'd done that. He'd made James do that, and he loved it.

If they stayed like this much longer, they would fall asleep again. And this probably wasn't the best position for Sirius to find them in, should he decide to wake them up. Sighing contentedly, James whispers, "We really need a shower. And then we should probably head back to the rest of the world." That idea wasn't very appealing at all. But neither was getting caught naked and sticky with an equally naked and sticky Regulus by the boy's overprotective brother.

Regulus made a noise of protest, but seemed to understand the importance of their moving. He would have suggested a cleaning charm for the sake of speed if the idea of showering with James wasn't such an enjoyable one. With slightly shaking limbs, Regulus pulled himself up onto his hands and knees.

James does the same, pausing to look over that body. He hadn't really had time to appreciate the sight before, being too distracted with the feel. But Regulus really was gorgeous. Especially with his body lightly coated in sweat, and his relaxed from the after-glow of sex. "You are the sexiest thing I have ever seen."

Regulus looked over at James, his black hair hanging in front of his blue eyes. He smiled at James, enjoying the excuse to simply stare and not feel awkward. "You obviously haven't looked in a mirror lately."

Laughing, James murmurs, "I really don't need any help in the inflated ego department, Cub."

Regulus laughed, feeling truly happy and- he realized to his astonishment- completed. Once again, something good had changed between him and James. Something he wouldn't reverse even if he could. "We'd better hurry. Sirius might come look for us, and I personally don't feel like dealing with him right now."

"Me neither," James smiles, "One Black is all I need or want. I love you, Regulus Black." That felt so good to say. James pulled Regulus into the bathroom, and then into the shower. He really never wanted to let the boy out of his arms.


End file.
